And here's what happened with the boys:
- “I love you” boy maintained his policy of ignoring me. At one point I sidled up to him and giggled “Hello” in his ear just for the fun of seeing him look around nervously before crossing to the other side of the room.
- Cheater’s girlfriend cornered S. and, surprisingly, began to gush over her. (“Oh my God, S.! You are so funny! We are so hanging out!”). S. tried her best but was eventually forced not only to hand over her phone number but promise to take belly dancing lessons. The boyfriend could do nothing but look on in horror, imagining his dirty little secret and his oblivious girlfriend side by side, gyrating to strange music with jingling coin belts.
- My former high-school fling spent the majority of the night playing hard to get. Or I think that’s what he was doing. He never strayed more than three feet, but assiduously avoided eye contact. At midnight he decided to switch tactics, grabbed me and moved in for the big midnight kiss. I deflected the advance with my ninja-like moves.
- Ex-Boyfriend spent his New Year’s at a combination chic/tacky apartment party (huge apartment, gorgeous view/white shag carpeting, gold-framed mirrors). S. and I decided to go around 1am, since our original party had begun to consist of S., me and the bartender.
One foot through the front door and I was surrounded by thirty-something women who cooed at me, and made unanswerable comments such as “I didn’t think you could be as adorable as I expected, but you are! You are!” S. ran to the bathroom. I shot Ex-Boyfriend a look. He drunkenly smiled, wobbled his way over and said “I’ve been telling everyone how cute you are and how I want to marry you.” Then he promptly stumbled off in search of more alcohol, leaving me to fend for myself. There are few things in life more alarming than coked-up, lovey, semi-fabulous people, especially when you are drunk and wearing a top from H&M.