Ex-Boyfriend has texted to let me know that he has bought me a Valentine’s Day present.
Being the mercenary little thing that I am, I would be jumping up and down with anticipation were it not for the track record of the man in question.
A list of things that Ex-Boyfriend has bought me in the past, all of which were advertised as being amazing:
- One bottle of Maker’s Mark, wrapped in a paper bag.
- A small, intricate statue of three people engaged in sexual congress. Supposedly carved out of ivory.
- The book The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat by Oliver Sacks.
- A card with a photograph of him and me.