Sex and the Snorer
Re-Boyfriend was, once again, snoring last night. After my standard routine of hitting his head and stomach while yelling “Stop snoring, stop snoring!” nothing had been accomplished. He was sleeping blissfully, as always, and I was about to cry with frustration.
Past solutions to this problem have involved a combination of trying to make him sleep on the couch, trying to sleep on the couch myself, punching him repeatedly throughout the night, controlling my rage long enough to whisper sweetly “Hey baby, could you stop snoring?” and yelling “I hate you! I fucking hate you! Shutup!”
I was about to resign myself to a night of hard work when I suddenly I thought Fuck. This. Shit.
I put on all my clothes and got into a cab right outside his apartment. I was at home and sound asleep by 12:45am.
I’m going to have to resist the temptation to turn this into a regular thing. I feel that fucking and running is, unfortunately, rude. Not to mention confusing for Re-Boyfriend when he wakes up.
40 comments:
You know that standard "Dear Abby" letter from some widow who says that she always complained about her husband's snoring but now that he's dead she realizes that she'd rather have him and the snoring than not have him? I will never write that letter.
Booty Call!
My fiance snores, and I sleep very light. So it was a problem, too. I ended up taking some advice from my mom, who has the same problem: take a tylenol PM or something similar, and put an earplug in one or both ears, and you'll get used to it with a little time. It's actually kind of nice to wear ear plugs to bed, because it fucking shuts everything out. Anyway, an idea.
Every post you write about your re-boy, makes me think it is my girl writing about me.
That is scary.
-Steve
http://lastcallbaltimore.blogspot.com
Tell him to try Afrin. It's a quick fix. He may have chronic congestion and just snore because he's stuffed up. If Afrin doesn't work, tell him to go to his GP and have him/her prescribe Nasonex. It's just like Flonase except it doesn't aggravate the sinuses as much. Snoring almost drove my wife and me apart, but since I started on my Afrin/Nasonex regimen, all's well. She sleeps well, I FOR SURE sleep better, and we're cool.
Can't hurt to try.
i still think you should dump him
It might be less rude if you left him a note. To do so you will need:
1 sheet lined paper
4 markers of varying color
determination
The note should appear exactly as follows:
A picture of your face with your eyes clearly closed. A speach bubble coming out of the left-hand corner of your mouth which reads: "If only life were this simple... but it isn't because you snore."
No more mercy-filled ugly sleep, no more rude fuck and run. Problem solved, you're welcome.
pardon my typo: speech.
Have you asked re-boyfriend? He may prefer the ... um... "in and out" action of you leaving after... er, um... yeah, I'll keep this comment G rated.
Ask CB. You might be plesantly suprised, and maybe you can start at your place so he's cab'ing it home at midnight. He is alfter all the guy.
I could have written your post except you're a great writer! Here's my advice;
Don't Marry him ( if you do have your bedroom in a seperate wing of the house). Because... I did, marry him (not your's but mine) and the snoring only got worse and you'll NEVER get used to it. Trust me....
Decapitate him! If this does not stop his snoring then rest assured he is a monster and unworthy of your attentions in the first place.
i'd go with earplugs.
my mum said that my dad used to snore... heaps. But then he lost a whole lot of weight and doesn't snore anymore at all.
I'd still go with earplugs. I wear them to bed myself because i can't stand loud flatmates
Yeah, earplugs work until you have kids and can't use them or you won't hear your kids when they woke up b/c Daddy's snoring woke up the whole damn house.
Dump him now.
My magic trick of getting a heavy sleeper to stop snoring is to just pinch his nose for a few seconds. As soon as he stops being able to breathe through his nose, the snoring will stop.
But then again, re-b might get angry to wake up to you suffocating him.
what i want to know is, how many times do people have to tell you to dump him before you finally do???
So is it gold? Does it jingle when he walks? If the answer is no, find some one else. He simply doesn't sound worthy of your wit or much of any thing else belonging to you. (I used to say things like "Well, of course I love you..in my own little way...which of course isn't much.")
U know, all ego aside, tell him to lose some weight... about 90% of the people I know that snore are a bit soft in the middle or have jowels that make them look like pumpkins. Just my experience, mind you.
Heheh, I married my snorer, but it's easy to make him stop; plug his nose while he's snoring. It sounds cruel, but it wakes him up JUST ENOUGH for him to shift and stop snoring. No yelling, no punching or poking, and it's kind of entertaining the first few times.
(And he's said that he prefers it to punching/screaming)
(oops, I didn't see geekster's comment about the SAME procedure...but hey, it makes two of us!!)
yeeks.
The nose plugging works and so does the weight loss, but dammit, sometimes I WISH I could get into a cab and go home to a silent, pitchblack apartment and sleep spread out on my own bed. If you love him, you can get over the snoring or try some of the techniques other people said above and you'll live. If the only bad thing about him is that he snores, consider yourself lucky.
I love you Company Bitch. I envy you, too...you can leave when he snores. I can't.
We always seem to end up in seperate rooms, he snores and apparently I do "gymnastics" in my sleep so neither of us can get any shut eye.
It is confusing though, I reach over and he is gone ... then I hear the faint snoring in the next room and am thankful it is not right in my ear!
those nose band-aids work pretty well, if he'd wear one.
and if he lies on his back, the snoring will be worse than if he lies on his side.
but your solution works, too.
I don't think that you should break up with Re-Boyfriend. He seems sweet, and every guy is going to find a way to piss off a girl, one way or another.
Maybe you could try to imagine that as soon as he starts snoring, that will immediately put you to sleep. You know, a kind of hypnosis. :)
Good luck!
CB
Next time he falls asleep watch him. In between snoring does he stop breathing for a little while? He may have sleep apnea. This is a serious condition which left untreated can have far reaching health ramifications.His weight can contribute to the problem.He should follow with his internist for solutions to this problem.
You do have a way with words.The fire shooting out of your hands is going straight into the keyboard Worder Woman.It flies off the screen ,goes into peoples' eyes and flies out through their noses.There should be a reader beware disclaimer at the top of the Blog.
Last time I wondered why he stayed over...now I wonder why he LET'S YOU STAY OVER? I GUESS YOU ARE BOTH JUST DRUNKS!
You're one funny bitch.
I agree with fairscape: Re-Boyfriend might have a sleep apnea problem and should see, at the least, an internal medicine specialist. Barring that, he should see his family practioner.
Or it's possible his snoring is due to sinus problems or a weight issue (although from your previous posts, he doesn't sound extremely overweight).
Good luck getting him to see a doctor, and good luck with your overnights.
My husband snores every night and has for the last 15 years. I went to the local gun dealer store and got a nifty pair of bright orange ear plugs. the rubber kind, not the wax or foam. I keep them in my pillow case a use them every night. They are bright orange so it is easier to find in the dark when one rolls off the bed. But then the cat plays with it and carries it off to another room.
Sometimes you just cant win...
reboyfriend is about to become
rex-boyfriend
Gratz CB on getting a Google ad on your blog. It means that you're so popular that Blogger has deccided that they need to pay for the traffic with advertisements... it also means the world likes you and that you're a damn good writer.
Kudos, and keep up the good (nay great) writing.
- Finding someone who is a fantastic sleep partner is like when you finally gave in and got the cell phone or iPod. ‘know what I mean? Maybe you held out from getting the mobile or iPod for ‘moral’ or ‘ethical’ or ‘trendy’ reasons, but then the moment you get ‘em you realize how great they are and you try to figure out how you went your entire life without the mobile or iPod and then you start wondering how everyone else lives without the mobile/iPod? Great Sleep Partners are the same way. I’m still pissed I broke up with GF#2 because we were such great sleep partners… in fact that’s now my #1 ‘test’ when it comes to girls: What is her sleeping compatibility?
LOL...You made that post about S's mans bad breath, and now the new Google ads are all about curing Bad Breath. Well I guess it's better than ads relating to lack of a penis....
Finally! You are starting to make some money from this thing.
Finally! You are starting to make some money from this thing.
Somehow, I think she's making Blogger money and not her. Could be wrong about that.
Lol...
I laughed at Bindress' comment about her husband snoring for the past 15 years, so she went to the local gun store....
nice.
Have you considered shooting him in the head with a powerful handgun? I'm reliably informed that this cures snoring in at least 74% of sufferers.
Nix the Tylenol PM, it's a bad idea in an urban legend-type way. Like, "it sounded like a good idea at the time" or "everyone says to do this". It's really bad for your liver if you take it on a regular basis just to help you sleep, especially if you enjoy the occasional cocktail (even if you have them on different nights). I've got the spread the love on this, since my friend nearly lost his liver this way.
It's not rude or confusing if you leave a note that says something like, "Couldn't sleep. Didn't want to disturb you. Love you insanely. - CB"
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