My Friend, The John
Saturday night, I discovered that one of my male friends hires hookers on a semi-regular basis. While not hot, he is not ugly either, and he has the kind of personality that makes people excited to be around him. (Though, apparently, not so excited to fuck him without getting paid.)
As we drank beer in a dive bar on York Avenue, said friend described how he goes out on weekends and talks to girls. If no one goes home with him, he returns to his apartment to look through the directory of hookers on Craig’s List, chooses one, and has a prostitute delivered in half an hour or less.
“Whatever,” he said defensively, noting my somewhat astonished look as he related the details of his new hobby, “I’d rather have a girlfriend, but this isn’t any different than taking a random girl home.”
I nodded, but was unable to look totally comfortable.
“What? What is it?” he asked as I continued to stare at him in wonder. “CB, just say something.”
“It’s just…it’s just so lazy,” I finally exclaimed.
My friend started laughing.
“That’s your problem with it?”
I laughed along with him, realizing what an odd comment that was to make in light of all the sexual politics of paid sex.
I changed the subject.
Still, it is lazy. And it seems at unfair to all the men and women out there working for it. So to speak.
30 comments:
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I think your comment to The John was amazingly perceptive. Over time, I wonder if his new habit is conditioning him in such a way as to change the fundamental way he behaves around women all the time. "If they don't f*ck me immediately, I'll just go hire a whore." Probably not the greatest attitude in the world...
Of course, if he starts a blog to document his whore conquests, do share the URL.
You know, sadly, he's right about it being no different than the dinner and movie and sex routine. All men pay for sex, he just is up front about it.
CB, sure it's fair. He pays money for it, gets only the one thing in return (if he's lucky!) and the money is gone.
It's like people who rent their favorite movie over and over without buying it.
And, it's not like having a GF is any cheaper. I mean with dinner, movies, taxis, etc... a dating is like $150 a night.
I think “inefficient” works better. I’d save “lazy” for masturbation.
I think if John were truly lazy he would skip the social intercourse and just phone his order in. Personally, I do not think it is fair to judge John for his honesty about something so personal. We all have our own way of getting the sex we need.
The only rule for sex should be guided by the agreement of the participants who must be CONSENTING ADULTS.
The John is so bizarre it's just beyond me. If the only benefit to having a girlfriend is to get laid, I'm glad he's effectively taken himself off the market so some poor innocent looking for a decent boyfriend won't get "hooked."
I guess he's not the type to want to find someone to marry and have kids with. That's his choice. A city guy, for sure. I think it would bore me, though, and I can't see why it would be exciting to him. Maybe the variety of prostitutes he gets? I personally wouldn't want to touch what someone else has obviously touched. Meh.
Masturbating to the ads on craig's actually is much lazier. And much cheaper, too. Or so I've heard.
Did he confess out of drunkenness or out of comfort?
-Steve
http://lastcallbaltimore.blogspot.com
I can't say that I find what the John does as all that lazy. Pragmatic, perhaps, as he seems to be heading out each night with the objective of bringing someone home for sex and, failing that, has worked out a very simple solution.
What intrigues me is his statement about preferring to have a girlfriend. Isn't he doing himself a disservice by hiring the prostitutes when the most basic, primal motivation for finding a mate is sex? Perhaps he'd have better chances of getting what he wants in the long term if he makes his libido suffer a bit.
Not sure what kind of girlfriend he wants to have. Maybe eventually he won't even try going out first.
And are you jealous of how easy it is for him? (What with re-boyfriend gaining weight and suffocating you with cuddling...)
lazy? i thought you wrote "sleazy". but anyway, your friend john seems pragmatic.
5 words: safe sex; protection is key.
It is an odd thing to do but I guess it would cost about the same as an actual date. I never thought about it like that before but hey what ever works. At least he knows at the end of the night he's getting something for his money.
A result of the age of instant gratification. Point to note: At least he's not cheap.
Who needs to go out on dates all the time? I still say he's underrating what girlfriends have to offer. What's wrong with sitting around in your underwear watching bad movies together? You don't have to go out all the time.
Chances are, you'd have more than the one-sided conversations (I'm assuming here) you'd get with hookers.
Sicko.
There's a hooker section on craigslist? THANK YOU JESUS!
Mygod you're funny.
Rune, you just made me laugh my ass off.
~*~ shrug ~*~
Everybody needs a hobby.
You seemed shocked by your friend’s revelation. I am surprised by your reaction. There are quite a few men who do this, or they regularly supplement what they get at home with paid services. I even know a few guys who have given up dating and are full-time hobbyists.
I once knew a guy who bragged he used escorts all the time. Honestly, I thought that I was a pretty open person, but that one caught me off guard. Lazy... I hadn't thought of it that way before, but yeah.
I would never have considered the laziness angle. Of course, I'd never consider the hooker angle either, just call me old fashioned, but I figure if someone's fucking me, the least they should get out of the deal is dinner and possibly a movie, not a parting gift at the door.
i don't see why this would be lazy. if you can have a part-time job, and get paid for it as well as you've been paid before, would you be lazy?
also surprised about your reaction. do you know how many escortservice there is? also what an average man is like who hires hookers?
I'd bet it's cheaper in the long run with no entangling alliances.
Works for some.
Oooha.
Cheaper yet is a fuck buddy. One calls the other when they get the urge. No entangling alliances either when it works.
clearly the problem guys is that CB feels that sex is something the gal has that the guy has to work for. Her friend just short circited the whole "girls have something guys want nya nya nya" paradigm which infests so many women.
Of course, if he finds someone stupid enough to marry him, he will continue the habit, because of course there is no sex after marriage. (well, yeah, there IS, but the rules all change. Morning sickness can do that....) Such habits tend to be hard on a relationship.
I agree with Stag there, about the way women are taught the - "Make em beg" attitude from day one. Quite frankly, many guys are getting sick of it. Life is too short. I'm not ashamed in saying that I have done it before,while out of relationships. Call it lazy, call it immoral. What I call it is - "To hell with this 'hard to get' bullshit. I'm not in the mood right now". Afterall, it's all just a silly ritual which some people enjoy but most people just find a pretentious "Delay". I'm one of those people who never liked the ritual.
Guys are like - "Look, do you want to or not?". Don't flirt and play the game of leading us on, if you have no intention whatsoever of going home with us that night.
Many guys are fed up with being led and then left empty handed. Women enjoy the power trip of flirting, but many men find it annoying. Women view sex as an emotional pact, for the most part. Men love the emotional things too. Sometimes though, they just need a physical "Fuck", and don't want to be left dissapointed by false leads.
I see his hooker fetish as being very pragmatic. So he should do without because he doesn't have a girlfriend right now? I agree in part with the last two commentors. There is a power thing going on with sex. Sometimes a guy wants to cut through what all the mating ritual entails. He's been through many a night being led on by women who have no desire to do anything other than toy with him.
If that's happening on a regular basis he needs to start hanging with a different crowd. Plus change his mindset to that he won't give two seconds of his time to those who we in polite society call a tease.
If that's his desire right now find a good hooker and give her his business. Just like any other pros out there from MD's to auto mechanics there are good ones and there are bad ones.
Some who find a moral objection to his habit need to realize that it's better not to judge lest we be judged. Won't be with a guy because he's patronized hookers before? Cool. I have a problem with women who've had nothing but a string of asshole ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends. So to each his own.
You can find hookers on Craig's List? Who knew?
I know a lot of men who see hookers for reasons that have nothing to do with laziness. They want clear cut, disentangled relationships, or rather, they want to have sex without having relationships, and they want to not have to lie, feign interest, or dangle the possibility of a relationship to get it.
Men see hookers for all kinds of reasons, but I don't think any of them are going way. It is the world's oldest profession.
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