Optimism
Re-Boyfriend is going away for business Saturday morning. He’ll be gone for two and a half weeks, back for two days, then gone for another week.
In two and a half weeks I can:
- Become impossibly glowy, toned and healthy by going to the gym on a regular basis.
- Get uninterrupted, wonderful sleep.
- Buy complicated underwear for Re-Boyfriend’s return. (Although tube socks and messy hair seem to turn Re-Boyfriend on more than anything actually involving effort so perhaps “basic and girlish” should be substituted in for “complicated”).
- Clean my apartment.
- Read in bed.
- Lose weight due to the loss of my dinner partner and drinking buddy.
However, the last time Re-Boyfriend left town I had the same relaxing scenario in mind. Instead, I met men who paid for a very long vodka-fueled evening going from “cool” club to “cool” club while I flipped my hair around and tried to imply that I had a trust fund.
Not wanting to go home at 4am when all the bars closed, I followed a couple of new found friends to a strip club, where I stayed long enough to realize it didn’t serve alcohol. “Why would you want to come here if they don’t have alcohol?” I asked the man to my left, ignoring the bare stripper-ass in my face.
I walked home to my apartment, stopping along the way to buy cigarettes and tell the man behind the counter all about my strip club experience. “It was my first time!”
Once home I called Re-Boyfriend (approximate time: 6:00am) and told him about my night.
“Should I be worried?” he asked.
“Fuck you!” I told him, suddenly belligerent. “Why are you even awake? You should go to sleep.”
“I did go to sleep. I’m waking up. Why don’t you go to sleep?”
And that was when Re-Boyfriend was gone for just one weekend. Who knows what wonders two and a half weeks can hold.
25 comments:
Even if you do not go out drinking and get in at 6am, you should still call him drunk and beligerant early in the morning (you may have to fake the drunk part).
It might be that Re-Boyfriend wanted a break after all
Looks like his absence is making you think about the "Close the Deal" situation...hmmmm.
CB
...or you could call 212-647-1680 to see what time and where the next meeting near you will be held...
...they say the results are beyond your wildest dreams...
the last time somebody told me her boyfriend went away for two weeks, it was for some tryst with another girlfriend. However, I don't think Re-boyfriend would get down like that unless the situation involved a woman with larger breast. BTW, tube shocks and messy hair for a woman makes me think of Hooters ...
Hope you have fun, and can't wait to hear the stories of what you do.
LMAO...you're impossible. way to go.
Sounds like a fun time ... so what's the problem? Hookers next time? :O
Sounds very Carrie Bradshaw-esque.
You could start your night out in the strip club this time and work up to the bar, so that by comparison you'll think the night is getting better and better.
Just stumbled across your blog and wanted to say I love your writing style and sense of humour. Look forward to the next read.
Jen
nubbit.com
Sounds like school recess to me. Have fun but don't wind up in the nurse's office.
Every girl knows that when the boyfriend leaves us all by ourselves, we must go out and party just to show him that we can live it up and have fun even when he's not around. It's the "Don't forget I can have a blast even with out you!" syndrome and is almost always finished off by the drunk dial that leads to a fight.... Yep, I've been there done that....
http://countrygirlconfessions.blogspot.com
They didn't sell alcohol at the strip joint? Did you ever find out why? Is that standard at strip clubs?
I fuckin love this blog! I keep randomly searching blogs to post on and your blog keeps coming up forcing me to look on your blog so....keep posting.
hi, just ran across your blog, it's great. I can relate to the "ended up at a strip club" story. A few years ago my drunken girlfriends and I followed our guy friends to a strip club. Of course we thought it was a great idea to buy a lap dance for our hyper-catholic drunk girl friend. Drunk friend left the strip club in a screaming fit ("I SAID don't touch me, Ms. Stripper! Eh, doodnight and God bless!"). She refused to speak to any of us for about two months.
I think that you should call him and torture him over the phone while he's away -- whether you talk dirty, or tell him about how you've been going out with lots of friends and to lots of parties...
I used to tend bar, and we'd get strippers from the club near us. I swear, they knew about the best tasting drinks. And they were awesome tippers, too!
Enjoy your 'me' time.
Gosh...2 1/2 weeks...think of all the Silent Man research that can be done in that time! Hehehee
i think the uninterupted, wonderful sleep is going to be well worth it.
Honey, I feel your pain. My boy is off gallivanting around Europe for three weeks - no phone, sporatic e-mail.
I have bought the complicated underwear, although it is mostly for me, not him. What else to make you feel sexier than new undies? I am on the diet. And frantically trying to make all the decisions I should be making with him (where to take a summer position, etc.) alone.
It is nice having them away for a bit, but not forever. You'll miss him soon enough. Just stay off the booze. :P
If you could run that wild in a weekend, good luck staying out of jail if left to your own devices for a few weeks....
re-boyfriend can't be gone for long. you will wreak havoc in the streets. and who knows what goddamn gift/souvenir he has for you when he comes back. *shudder* *shudder*
I traipsed along with a young woman to a strip club long ago. It wasn't my first time; I don't think it was her first time. There's a post about it at http://rodentia.blogspot.com/2004/11/little-break.html
Next time, call him when you are at the strip club :)
Why do you care so much about what somebody else might think anyways (in regards to your boyfriend, re-boyfriend, whatever). It seems af if you act out of angst above any thing else. to each is own, have a good weekend, Mike..
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