Shrinkage
We had a rather large meeting yesterday to discuss several problems with the company, ranging from “Why is there never any diet coke in the vending machines?” (thank you, older administrative assistant from the fourth floor) to larger, more immediate issues.
About fifteen minutes into the meeting, a very stern woman pushed back her chair, placed her hands on the table and began, “There is a problem with _______. Some of the factories have reported shrinkage. We need...”
I stopped paying attention, as I realized that someone to my left had just emitted a sort of smirking noise, presumably at the word “shrinkage.”
I turned to see Silent Man looking frantically around the table, searching for someone with whom to share the joke “shrinkage”, lest he feel completely moronic for being the only six-year-old present.
When he found no one (and carefully avoided my gaze), he pursed his lips in a tight little circle, smacked them together once, and stared at the legal pad in front of him for a bit in order to recover. The speaker continued describing the shrinkage problem, oblivious to the tiny, one-man disturbance she had caused.
Though I am happy Silent Man experienced an awkward moment, I am also rather alarmed it did not even occur to me to laugh at the term “shrinkage”. What an unwelcome sign of impending maturity.
30 comments:
i'm starting to hate silent man.
a joke is a joke...that was funny to me though. guess i'm still a kid.
ha! now you have an in. if you really wanna bust this case next time you have to talk to him, so incorporate "shrinkage" into your question.
at least you know it's something he'll react to, finally.
I would use shrinkage in every single sentance every spoken to this guy for the next year. He would have to break eventually.
Maybe it is a sensitive subject.
my first moment of so-called "maturity": actually using firstname.lastname as my email address, instead of something cutesy like angelpie.
Yes! Next time you are 1 on 1 ask him what he thinks about the shrinkage problem. Then A) a direct question is posed B) he will feel uncomfortable C) you create a hilarious entry for us to enjoy :).
-Steve
http://lastcallbaltimore.blogspot.com
Hmmm. A "rather large meeting" to discuss "shrinkage." Sounds kind of like Yin and Wang. Or Yin and Jung. I couldn't decide which ridiculous joke to use.
Being back in the cubicle tribe, I have been recently experiencing "Silent Woman." I know she hates me and why, but it's a long (clean) story. On Monday AM, she came in with a new haircut, which I complimented and she was forced to say "Thank You." On Wednesday, while reviewing the terminated employee list, I noticed she quit on Tuesday!
I suggest you comliment his hair...
hehehe...i agree with the rest of the folks...talk to him about shrinkage and see how he reacts.
Well, she could have continued to refer to an impending size issue, or how sales have been soft. Perhaps needing to stiffen the bottom line...
You're taking life too seriously, CB. Even though Silent Man is a total loser, "shrinkage" is still funny. I think, deep down, you're just upset that you have something in common with Silent Man. You wanted to laugh, but didn't like the cognitive dissonance involved in sharing a moment with a total jagoff like him. But don't worry; the world's still big and diverse enough so that you both can find immature humor in something and yet still completely dislike each other. I totally hate the prick, but would have smirked nonetheless.
Yes, I admit it, I laughed at the very sight of the word "shrinkage." It's the Achilles heel of mankind (not womankind) -- something they're actually quite sensitive about.
As for Silent Man, I'd recommend against using "shrinkage" in a sentence. HR could have a field day (at your expense).
CB
We all age. Not all of us mature. There is nothing wrong wth learning how to act like a grown up when you're around other grownups in a business setting. Silent Man's faux pas may work to yor advantage. Perhaps you will move up to his job after he is asked to leave for acting like a six year old at an important meeting. His "shrinkage" could become your growth. Now, wouldn't that be worth laughing at?
Definitely use the word "shrinkage" in a conversation, even in just passing. As many times as possible, if you can pull it off -- I wouldn't be able to stifle my laughter.
Like right now. Lol.
That's hysterical. I guess I'm six years old too.
im still a kid because i kind of giggled at that word. hee hee.
Huh huh huh... huh huh huh...
She said "shrinkage."
Didn't anyonw ever watch Seinfeld????
Oh shoot. So penis-reference jokes at work are NOT okay? Wait a minute, when did that start?
...misterboston
How in the hell can someone get that far in the workplace when a fairly common term used in most business environments makes him giggle like a school-girl?
If you want to take it a step further, you could buy a box of Shrinky Dinks and leave the package on his desk. Can you believe there's even a product named Shrinky Dinks? Oh, the subliminal possibilities!
Maybe he's a frat-boy wannabe in the guise of the middle-aged, balding Silent Man.
I wouldn't be surprised if he snickers at mentions of 'chicken breasts' as well.
I hate silent man. A lot. If he doesn't have the decency to look at you or respond to greetings, he has no right to have happy moments in his life.
I say put a whoopee cushion on his seat at the next meeting. Or if someone mentions shrinkage again, make a comment about silent man's personal problems...
I think you're making a molehill out of a mountain. Wait! Does that make me... immature?
And what IS being done about the coke machine??
There would have been a bigger problem if she had said: “Some of the factories have reported tumescence.”
Give Silent Man a break. Size is important to him.
I agree with Andy. The shrinkage snicker is not a sign of 6-year-old style immaturity. But, more a sign of a 35-year-old Seinfeld fan. A little kid wouldn't know what shrinkage refers to.
You should see a doctor about having that stick surgically removed from your ass!
Every six year old boy knows what shrinkage is! It's that terrifying moment when you get in a cold swimming pool and you feel down there and you've almost turned into a girl
Ignore Silent Man. If you don't you will become obsessed by him and it will affect your job. The best rules for work is be on time, do not discuss your personal life, CYA, ignore the A holes.
Now that I have said that, I understand where you are coming from. There is always some office dolt that will not speak, ever to or acknowledge another person, unless forced to. These people are not worth your worry or consideration. Continue to say good morning to everyone, including him and go about your business.
I, naturally, would casually make him feel uncomfortable at every turn... "Say, it's cold in here... *ahem* You doing alright? *eyes rolling toward his fly*" or "there's something different about you, something seems... smaller." or perhaps just "would you look at that? I think my (insert inappropriate clothing article) shrunk..." to try to make him squirm.
then again, I spent a good portion of my afternoon snickering that one of my co-workers shortened 'sales and marketing' to "S&M" for a client presentation. abandon all hope. and pass the shrinkwrap.
Damn, I am silent man. :O
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