Agent Provocateur
This afternoon I went to Agent Provocateur on Mercer Street, an expensive lingerie store where most of the bras are over a hundred dollars. I had to see what a hundred dollar bra would make my boobs look like. (The answer was "uncomfortable".)
As soon as I had tried on the first bra (incidentally, a very sheer pink bra) I heard the call “Is everything all right?”
“I’m fine,” I replied.
In all my experiences shopping, this has been the end of the exchange.
At Agent Provocateur, this was only the beginning.
A sales girl yanked back the curtain of my dressing room. (Note: It is a small store. The dressing room opens onto the entire sales floor).
“Ooooo…that’s cute,” she said as she stared at my boobs in the mirror.
“Thank you,” I said, for lack of a better response. I mean, she was complimenting her own merchandise and not my boobs, but I didn’t know what else to say.
“Maybe we need to tighten the straps up a little.”
Before I could say anything, she was adjusting the straps on the bra.
“That’s better. Very cute.” And then she was gone, closing the curtain behind her.
Determined not to be a prude and run out of the store, I tried on my second bra.
“Everything okay in there?” a girl called, the instant the back had been hooked. How did she know?
The curtain was opened. I was gawked at.
“Oh, that’s nice,” said one.
“That is nice,” said another.
The curtain was closed.
The curtain was opened.
“It’s a little large in the cup area, maybe you could go down a size? It’s still very nice though.”
The curtain was closed, then immediately opened.
Honestly, the entire existence of the curtain was a sham. Why didn’t they just have people try things on in one big room? It would remove the element of surprise since you would be able to see when the sales women were approaching rather than being ambushed every five seconds.
“Do you want the matching panties?” yet another sales woman politely inquired.
“I actually have them, thanks.” But that wasn’t enough. She stared at me in the mirror until I held up the yellow and pink thong to show her I had not been lying. I had the panties.
The curtain was closed. I put down the panties.
Did she seriously think I was going to take off my pants, and navigate the always difficult issue of Do I Try These Panties Over My Panties or Do I Want To Actually See How They Look in front of three sales girls?
Besides of which, I hadn’t shaved this morning, not thinking my day of pant-wearing and no sex called for it. Evidently, I had been wrong.
I threw back on my original bra and shirt as quickly as I could, lest my boobs be exposed to the world, or worse, the granny bra I had worn to work.
Then I ran.
It reminded me of the time I went with my mother to Bergdorf Goodman to buy a dress for a wedding. A sales lady ran in and out of our dressing area the entire time with no heed as to who was in what state of undress. Due to a door and standard knocking practices, I was not uncomfortable in Bergdorf’s at all.
Still, it was a different shopping experience than one would find in, say, a Banana Republic.
This begs the question: Are rich people just better at being naked?
51 comments:
Rich people in general live in a different world, and that includes diminished modesty at bare skin (of course, that's just American prudery).
Bra shopping always puts me in a terrible mood, especially if I go to VS and they offer to size me for free, then go ahead and correctly predict my size to the whole shop.
This is why department stores (of any kind) should have dressing rooms with doors and locks. If there are no doors or locks, you have to bring someone along with you just to stop, instead of having some privacy.
Modesty and privacy are diminishing in this country, and the people who notice this fact are the people with manners and modesty themselves.
Lingerie shopping sucks. Too bad we can't virtually try on bras and panties online, and then just order the damn things. Eliminate the gawkers!
I guess they figure that if you don't care about spending over $100 on a bra, then you don't give a damn who sees your boobs either.
Okay, I am a demented dude. I will grant you that. But, this nearly takes the cake. You have been writing an awful lot about your boobs. There must be something going on. First, it's the whole thing about re-Boyfriend and your body type. Now, it's Provocateur. By the way, their website (now I looked it up) is rad. I can even join some special club there. Maybe they can see me trying stuff on (okay, so I don't cross-dress) if I had a webcam. Anyway, a Provocateur is supposed to be a "Secret Agent". Sounds like your experience was anything but secret.... Next time, bring Re-Boyfriend with you. They'll leave you alone.
I'm not a flat chested skinny girl. I'm not even one of those curvy ones. I'm jelly. I admit this to get to my point...the bras you were trying on today didn't fit. Want to know why? because about two months ago I got a professional bra fit, and when the last hook clasped I jumped up and down and ALL of me stayed in place and felt beautiful (looked beautiful? probably not...but not the point). Not only wouldn't I mind if the door was flung open to the whole world, I went running out to hug my grandmother, sans shirt and all. And I'm not rich, either. I used a coupon to buy it.
When the bra fits, you'll let the world oogle it. Even on a bloated, non-shaved, basic-neutral day.
you know, all of the elements are there for a male fantasy, and yet ...
also, remember you are in charge. they want you to buy, so don't be shy about taking back your space.
yeah I agree with the guy who must die. Your story, while initially exfceptionally erotic (probably based somewhat on previous posts which "pre-create" my opinion of what I think your sexual tendencies are...at least in my mind. But then something goes missing :( I have had dreams like this before, but somehow there is something missing that my dreams contained....like a pirate or a good disco track in the background. Hmmm
Anyway, post the pics of your final purchase. :P
I wanted to try on a dress and Jane Norman once and it was indeed one big room with lots of people in various states of undress. I think I saw enough cellulite and saggy boobs to last me a lifetime (shudder).
My first comment and I'll make you feel better. I was trying on wedding dresses at a more upscale place with my mom. figured she was with me to help with the "on/off" aspect so no one would care I was wearing the granny panites with a small hole in them. No dice. The "helper" made a point to stay in the room despite my frantic denials of help and then had the nerve to look pointedly at said underwear and raise an eyebrow at the hole. Jeez. Now I'm terrified about my underwear every time I leave the house in a weird "what if I'm in a car accident, I need to have cute clean underwear on". Dammit.
scathing.
ya know its funny... they dont do that to fat chicks. they kindly ask and when i tell them that everything is nifty they leave me the hell alone. but then im kinda amazonian so people dont usually fuck with me.
my best pal used to work for fredericks and she loved to fuck with people like that. she said it was a game between the sales girls.
next time ask them something freakish like "are my nipples wierd?" that'll make 'em back off!
Gadaymn! Do they have a vacancy in the shop? You think if I shaved off my moustache, waxed my legs and cross-dressed in a micro-mini and a tanktop they may have a vacancy for me? I might even consider paying for the job...
I feel for you. . . I have many war stories about trying to get fitted in bras by helpful store employees.
Can't imagine what a hundred dollar bra feels like. . .
Ciao
No, but French people are. What you described is typical at all lingerie shops here, even the lower priced ones. Agent probably wants to add to their mystique by Frenchifying their sales techniques.
CB
Obviously, Detective Doe over at Whole Foods has distributed your photo via the internet and these ladies did not want you sampling their undergarments.
Seriously. In order to shop undisturbed for a $100 dollar bra one must walk in wearing a $200 dollar bra.
As to rich people, they have no shame at being rich; Why would they have any shame at being naked?
Can I apply to be a sales clerk there?
I agree re: the French sales comment. They do that to you in Paris when you shop for lingerie, and will even feel you up to see what size you are. It's very disconcerting and I always react, showing how American I am.
Rich people pay good money to show their boobs off.
But I will now be staying far, far away from Agent Provocateur. Not that I could afford a $100 bra anyway...
I think, because of the nature of the beast ($100 bras), the sales people are instructed to harrass and peep at you in order to prevent theft.
Either that or they just wanted to see your boobs because your so hot. I would stick with this second scenario if it were me... because who doesn't need a hefty case of "Boost for the Ego"
I can't believe Banana Republic is considered "not an expensive store."
I once went to Loehmann's with my boyfriend's mother. I found a cute dress and she followed me into the Communal Dressing Room of Death. I couldn't help but think that she was scoping me out, in a very, "Let's see how my son is doing, heh heh" way. Luckily, I am far from modest, so I survived unscathed.
Sounds like Sex & the City Season 4 when Miranda tries on the bra for the funeral... anyway, funny story
It does sound like that! Only difference would be the sales clerks were not embracing CB... but they probably wanted to.
Fun with curains: Several areas partitioned off with a series of indistinguishable red velvet curtains. You stand in line until a metro-ish guy shows you to an empty curtain space. Unfortunately he doesn't know where he puts who and keeps opening and closing curtains as he moves up and down the isle--girls and guys gasping as he went. Being in a random middle space, I was a bit weary of undressing.
Btw: Your blog is great!
It has been my understanding that rich people are better at everything, which I figure includes nudity.
So, yes, yes they are.
Is there any reason you didn't ask them to leave you alone? Aside from the gawking issue, it's plain annoying to have sales people hover over you and/or popping back and forth to ask ridiculous questions or dish out compliments, truth or not.
As to your question, 'Are rich people just better at being naked' -- the serial bedhopping that appears to go around the celebrity set, for example, would indicate that the answer is 'yes'.
Why are there never any pictures?
So, did the $100 bra look any different from the $30 bra? (and that, to me is expensive!) Imagine, paying that much to be humiliated in public. Weird. Oh wait, maybe it's a safe way for women to explore being stripped and fondled by other women. I for one would never pay $100 for that. Well, I might.
No.
(Hello, by the way)
an "old money" person would intimidate the sales droid by making the issue one of being rushed rather than of requiring privacy.
it's important to keep the "help" intimidated or they become too familiar.
Interesting sales tactic. Doubtless gets more boyfriends shopping with their girlfriends in there!
I do'nt know the answer to the question being a male doesn't help
It's a very funny story. Maybe you are right: rich people are perhaps just better at being naked.
But nevertheless very nice story...
may be you can just say you would like to have some privacy. I'm sure she'll understand, and even if she doesn't what the hell..
That reminds me of the time I went to buy a pair of spandex shorts, and "forgot" to wear underwear that day, and went into the dressing room, and "forgot" to latch the door, bent over to pull up my spandex, bare assed, and heard a sudden loud bursting applause. I turned around to find a group of old pervy ladies cheering me on. I was strangely aroused.
can i just say that i am completely, totally, head-over-heels in love with your blog? i read this post- laughed out loud, read the next- same reaction, read every post on this page- an out-loud laugh each & every time!!! So i may or may not have read every single post you ever wrote. well, okay, not quite, but i did go through your archives. this shit is FUNNY... and so relatable!!! i can't wait to keep reading about you!!!
good to be a guy. this sounds just awful~
F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, "The rich are different from you and me." To which Ernest Hemingway is supposed to have responded, "Yeah, they have more money." I think that people who spend $100 for foundation garmets do so because it costs $100 and they can afford it and you can't. Give me a Goodwill store and time to search and I believe I will look as good as I need to look in my profession (teacher).
This sounds like something from a horror movie. Wow.
I once went to one of those stores....sales lady asks what is ur size i say ##B...she measures me and then informs the whole floor that she can't believe i have been putting them in a B when I am actually a D cup....
what's really embarassing is when your bra is mistaken for an eye patch.....
It doesn't look like Christy's bras would be mistaken for an eye patch, but I digress.
I once went with my wife to a department store to buy a bikini (for her). I went into the dressing room with her so she wouldn't have to show her boobs to the entire sales floor to get the thumbs up or down from me. A nurse-rachet-type sales clerk EJECTED me from the LADIES DRESSING ROOM like some i'm some kinda pervert. Sheesh.
I have been the bra sales girl, so I feel like I HAVE to comment...
Sometimes it is more painful to be the bra fitter/bra sales girl than to the be the customer... Trust me.
~leesha~
Sorry, but I didn't get very far past “Ooooo…that’s cute,” she said as she stared at my boobs in the mirror
Clearly, it's been a while.
:-)
GO get fitted at Town Shop, and then go back to AP and buy their bras. I have a bunch of their underwear (due to a VERY NICE HUSBAND!!) and I love it. Oh, and when the girl opens the curtain stare her in the eye and say "DO YOU MIND!???" in your best Joan Crawford!
This reminds me of Merry-Go-Round in the malls of New Jersey in the 80s... Why didn't you stand up for yourself and tell them to get lost and leave you alone?
I say bring RBF next time. : ) He can act as your bodyguard, and it would be way more fun to try on lingerie that way. Maybe it would earn you a nice fuck, too!
Rich people have too much money to worry about being naked; they think they can just be however they want and us underpaid minions will just have to cope. Plus, even if they are fat and ugly and in various states of disrepair, they have so much extra money floating around them that no one will TELL them how they really look. They'll just get the vacant-but-energetic saleswoman jabber: "oh, you look fantastic!"
Although I do think taking RBF as bodyguard would offer a number of advantages.
I one of these "rich people" that everyone seems to compare with the experience at AP. I have shopped there for my honeymoon and other occasions and felt the same way as this woman; thinking "why the hell is this salesperson in my dressing room looking at my REAL (although others on this board like to insinuate that all wealthy people have implant) breasts?" After a few visits, I realized that this is their policy. Maybe some people on this board should realize it's a personal preference issue, not a socio-economic one!
hey, you're in Gawker! fabulous.
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