Re-Boyfriend's Return
Re-Boyfriend is getting back tonight. I have baked cupcakes that say “Welcome Back." (One letter per cupcake. Obviously it would have been more impressive if I had written Welcome Back on every single cupcake, but there was no way I was going to do that.)
A Digression:
The cupcakes are really tasty. I know that because writing “Welcome Back” only utilized eleven cupcakes, which left thirteen for me to eat, which of course I did.
Somewhere around the fifth cupcake I considered throwing the rest out, but then I thought There’s no way I could eat all of them. I've got one or two more to go, tops. Then around the ninth one I accepted that I would, in fact, be eating all of them.
And I may or may not have eaten the exclamation point that may or may not have been part of the original “Welcome Back” message.
And back to the point:
I am also dressing up as Margot Tennenbaum. Though most of the time I think I’m a pretty crappy girlfriend, sometimes I know I’m awesome, even when I feel fat and full of frosting.
Now I have to go practice my smile in preparation for the moment I unwrap whatever ridiculously inappropriate gift he has bought for me this time.
25 comments:
No! You can't do that! You're ruining it for the rest of us! Just when we've come to some acceptance over the issue of not having to be perfect in absolutely everything, you're making CUPCAKES! With a message! How much more Donna Reed can you go?!?
No, seriously though, you're too good for him. He doesn't deserve you. You can quote me saying that if he keeps up with the bad presents. *grin* (And naturally we're all dying to know what you got, aren't we?)
As a guy, you definitely screwed this one up. You should have covered yourself in frosting to meet Re-Boyfriend at the door. Once he sees you, he won't give two shits about the cupcakes and what they say on them.
I'm with just some guy...
Take the eleven cupcakes you didn't eat and smear icing everywhere you want him to lick you... greet him naked... worry about gifts after your shower.
Oh...
Take pictures and report back tomorrow.
Yeah, eating cupcake batter off you would make him forget everything else, and possibly you the mundane gift...
I'm not sure about what everybody else is saying about cupcake frosting on your body. People have sex all the time...How often do people have cupcakes? Once a year? Twice maybe. Cupcakes are really, really fucking good and it's about time the world begins coming to terms with that fact.
I agree with Mr. Miller. Sex, especially if you're as good at it as I am (with myself) happens everyday...cupcakes with a "W" on them...that didn't come out of the White House fridge...a rarity...
God bless ya for eating all those cupcakes and admitting it. You are my hero.
Baking now? Good Lord, what next? Church?
You're so funny.
I do the same thing when overeating, particularly when it's something as delicious as cupcakes: feel bad for a few bites and then decide it's gone too far to turn back.
But for all the effort it takes to make and ice cupcakes, you definately deserved to eat them and the five or six more you'll get when sharing them with re-b.
CB
Congrats on your restraint, although by the time reexbf arrived it is possible that you had decided to eat the "back" thinking "welcome" would be enough, then the "l" leaving "we come" odd,yet,provocative, then the "we" leaving "come" which while demanding in tone reexbf would probably find a real turn-on. Of course you might have made it all the way to "o" which you could explain stood for the Big "o", orgasm. After all, he already thinks of you as strange, so what the hell. Beside that, he is getting too fat anyway and really didn't need more than one cupcake.
Maybe you really are The Company Bitch, after all. Otherwise you would have taken those 13 cupcakes into the office.
Although, I enjoy seeing my co-workers devour lots of fat and carbohydrates. It makes me feel smug and superior, especially if I baked the treats.
(Who's the Company Bitch now, huh?)
Yeah L1, I used to bring my bosses cigarettes. They thought I was just being nice, bringing in those cut price ciggies! Behind my smile, I was thinking "die you curs".
"....whatever ridiculously inappropriate gift he’s bought me this time."
You can be bought then?
Or just rented?
boyfriends love food babies. challenge him to an eating contest, theres nothing hotter than that, shoving your faces with carbohydrate and sugary frosting goodness.
Does the Boyfriend fold his clothes?
My guy came home last week. I didn't even have any food in the house to cook for him. Luckily, he was happy with just sex.
are you fat?
With Google Ads you're probably a few months away from getting out of being a Company Bitch--then what will we call you??
Keep it up! I've loved your writing from the get-go!
I love it when being a good girlfriend involves eating cupcakes!!!
How far did you go with the Margot Tenenbaum's outfit? Do you have all your fingers?
you're way more Martha Stewart than I am. If I had thought of it, I would've ordered them from the bakery, rather than do it myself.
see, this is why i never bake for anyone. I end up eating more than they do!
I KNEW things would go to hell when Re-Boyfriend got back. Sure, plenty of time for sex, no time to post.
Grant Miller,
I agree cupcakes are good, which is why I don't know what you're talking about otherwise. I eat cupcakes once, sometimes twice, a day if I can.
(Forrest Gump drawl)
Cupcake soup...cupcake pizza...cupcake sanwich...
laugh
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