The Question of the Key
Many commenters pointed out that if Re-Boyfriend would just give me a key to his apartment, both his narcolepsy and the odd people wandering his street would be effectively neutralized.
Once upon a time I did have a key.
Before Re-Boyfriend was a Re, or an Ex, he was just The Boyfriend and after a few months of sleeping together, he presented me with a key to his apartment. I was a little taken aback because, to be totally honest, he wasn’t even really The Boyfriend, just Cute Guy That I Was Sleeping With. As such he was supposed to be entertaining and replaceable, not doling out keys to his living quarters.
But for lack of a better solution, I took the key, put in my purse and promptly forgot about it.
This situation worked out for a few weeks. Re-Boyfriend was happy because I had a key to his apartment. I was happy because if you had asked, “Do you have a key to Re-Boyfriend’s apartment?” I would have answered “Yes,” but otherwise I had forgotten about the whole thing.
Then one day, on the way to dinner, Re-Boyfriend asked why I never used the key.
“Well, I’m not going to, like, pop in and surprise you or whatever. That would be freaky. And you have a roommate.”
Re-Boyfriend countered by saying it would be nice not to have to buzz me back in every time I ran downstairs for a diet coke. I countered his counter by saying “I’d feel weird,” because I couldn’t come up with anything better.
And at that point, Re-Boyfriend issued an ultimatum.
“Well, you should either start using the key or give it back.”
“Okay,” I said. And I reached into my purse and handed the key back. I do not like ultimatums.
(Luckily I was wearing the same purse that I had stowed the key in. Otherwise I would have had to say something ineffectual like “I’ll give it back.” Then I would have forgotten about it and eventually had the same conversation again.)
“No, no I mean, I want you to have it. Keep it.”
“I don’t want it.” I continued holding it out until Re-Boyfriend took it. I didn’t want it and if he chose to destroy our happy compromise by demanding that I use it, then that was his fault.
And that was the last I saw of the key.
But you all are right. Just because I rejected the key once does not mean that I do not want one now. And I will not think of it as a key but as an anti-narcolepsy device only to be used in emergencies.
30 comments:
I believe that there is a strong symbolism about the key. Just replace the word 'key' by 'dick' in your text, it comes out funny.
I hate when they sneak that up on you--going from the replaceable Cute Guy I'm Sleeping With to the Boyfriend, being all cute and making you want a key eventually. Sneaky buggers.
All that trouble just for a damn key? You could call, and let him know you're heading in because you seem to call to make sure he's up anyway. That way he knows when to expect you and doesn't have to get up to buzz you. Everyone wins.
Good luck trying to get it back now.
That is funny. Yes, it's not really a key. It's a device. I love the way you play on words.
I have the keys for my ex's home. Outer and inner doors... 7 years later, at least (maybe 9). There was a point of yeah, you need these back but they were not on me at the time, (checks keyring).
Like you relate that you were wearing the right purse.
So we never really talked again. I guess she knew me well enough that I would truly keep them safe.
p.s. just found your lovely blog.
CB
Key sharing is a big step and one that goes two ways. Do you want reexbf to have a key to your place? Do you want him walking in on you during a private evening of tweezing, depillitorizing and facial masking while you watch chick flicks and eat cheesy french fries? This man is quite the game player. Don't get played. Figure out how he has made you want the key and why. This is much worse than being given an ultimatum. Manipulation is insiduous. Staying one step ahead is key.
I'm such a dork for writing this but what the hell.
I just found your blog and am enjoying every minute of it.
Keep up the great work!
p.s. You should've given his ultimatum a counter-ultimatum, such as, 'I'll keep/give the key only if the pink geisha shirt goes!'
"Anti-narcolepsy device" - I love you.
I LOVE your blog - you kill me! And the point is not EVEN the key! The point is that re-boyfriend is a narcoleptic that thinks it's funny that you were propositioned on the street. But - you will now have to bring yourself to that horrible place of asking reexbf for the key back. Which he will probably only give to you if you say you will use it all the time. You are better off getting propositioned than giving him the smugness he will get if you ask for the key back
Maybe it could be considered RBF's narcolepsy is the catalyst for requesting the key back, forcing CB to swallow her pride. But I think the fear for her safety from threesome seeking couples from Boston is completely justifiable and would push anyone over the edge.
I wouldn't give it back now if I were him.
"So, I was sleeping with this guy who gave me a key to his apartment - which was totally lame because he was just a good fuck - but I took the key anyway. Because...because...well, anyway, rather than telling him I wasn't ready – it’s really none of his business - I took the key. I forgot about it. Then, one day, he had the nerve to ask me to return it, because I wasn't using it! Well, fuck that, I don't like ultimatums. I promptly returned it. Thank god I had the key on me; otherwise I would’ve looked lame in front of my fuck-buddy. No one tells me what to do with a key I have no interest in having, using, or keeping. But now I wish I had it because it would've saved me the inconvenience of waking him up at 4:00am when I was drunk.”
Re-Boyfriend's a lucky man.
I gave my boyf a key (back when I had my own apartment, now we live together and now we have the same key) and he just looked at me like I was mad. But I said that it wasn't my intention that he'd use it when I was at home, then he could use the buzzer like any other normal person. But I hinted that if he was early one nite and I wasn't home yet he'd lock himself in (which he was fine with as he was fed up by wainting outside in the cold for me to get home - late). But it did end up in my favour. Cos he came early, I came late, and then he had done all the dishes and made me dinner (because he was bored and hungry, as men are always hungry) The evil plan had worked out;)
You're the best! I totally want the key to the bf's place, but he's not quite there yet. Although, i'm not sure when I'd use it because I'm not one for popping in unexpectedly. A New York thing right? Do people in the country like drop by each other's houses without calling? I've always thought that but maybe I'm way off.
Get the key back and use it to either a) protect yourself on the wild streets of New York or b) shove up his nose when he's snoring.
OR!
Shack up-- then you'll both have the same key. You know you wanna. Think of all of the money you will save on rent; you can spend it on over-priced undies. Then everyone will be really happy. Use your new key to stab the boob-feeler-uppers at the bra shop.
Winning all around.
Can't get the symnbolism of the key and why it freaks everyone out. Boyf ( ex of 2 months now firmly back together) said same thing to me on first night back,
"oh and I will get you a key", as if that is the magic answer to everything. I don't want one as would like the excuse to not be there always i.e. "havent got a key". Think you need a key, it could be your party key:
Go out on the lash with gal pals, take key, sort of a treat for partying. You get to snuggle in bed and be nurtured through tomorrow's hangover. OR:
You could sneak in very drunk, scream loudly, lights on and then bomb the bed, so shocking him into oblivion, actually that might mean key gets taken away. Ignore this whole comment, am obviously talking bullshit.
Okay. Just one question. Do you think the key was the beginning of him eventually becoming a Re-? Maybe that's where this whole damn thing actually started... the "key" to a healthy relationship may be the ability to enter and exit upon one's free will. Hmmm? Now I know where I've gone wrong so many times. Bitch, I can always count on you to "key" me in.
Poor re-boyfriend! he likes you so much. You should make his day and ask for the key again.
how about this - what if you just really have to pee?
Why is it such a bad thing that he wanted/wants you to have a key? Isn't it a gesture of kindness? Why make this a negative thing? Sheesh. (This is directed towards several people who commented.)
Frankly, with you having possession of his key, you have more power! (If that's really what you want. Men do not want to be over-powered. Unless they're seriously fucked-up. But Re-Boyfriend is obviously NOT fucked up.)
Fairscape:
How is he manipulating her by giving her a fucking key? One more thing -- are you single? Because with your attitude towards men, you must be...
Some people, I swear.
CB
I am so sorry. Once again some misguided person has chosen to use your comments to attack another commenter and this time the commenter is me. It is the price one pays for having an actual opinion that one is not afraid to voice in a public forum. Even if that opinion runs counter to the wisdom of teenagers. I stand by my original comment and will add this.When you arrive at reexbf's apt. ask the taxi driver to wait. If you are not buzzed in on the first ring , leave. There is no reason a nice young lady such as yourself should be left sitting on a doorstep at any time of day or night.
Still, was she hot?
LMAO!
All right, all right, I have to say that, being a chick, I was originally tending toward the "Why the fuck isn't he giving her a key?" school. Having read T.C.'s comment, tho', I must admit that the whole idea of feeling put-out 'cause he won't give you something you threw in his face in anger...well...men aren't the only ones with a double-standard, are they?
Ah, the folly of being human!
t.c. craig....
Running someone else's blog through some sort of badass Valley girl filter is not an epiphany. "Lame" is a word reserved for the use of girls who wear scrunchies.
I think you need a puppy. Sorry.... you need, like, a fucking puppy.
Hey, I wear scrunchies.
It is quite important than women should not be given keys. They tend to fall into the wrong hands.
Women should be given flowers and diamonds and chocolate.
Chocolate is the destiny of Woman.
How often we make choices in life that we soon regret later.
What's a scrunchie?
A scrunchie, apparently, is nothing a woman in Manhattan wears outside the bathroom. Does nobody watch Sex & The City re-runs??? It's a veritable mine of information.
well, nice story...n nice blog :D
the key? re-boy?? what???
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