Re-Boyfriend’s birthday is this weekend. I, being me (naturally), have not yet bought a present or even thought of one beyond vague notions of underwear and hot sex. Which isn’t really a present so much as me fantasizing during work.
A major obstacle to the gift selection is that I cannot decide what, generally, I should be looking for/thinking of.
I can:
1. Wait for Re-Boyfriend to mention the one item he cannot live without but, improbably, has not purchased. Hope this mention comes within the next day or two, that I can afford the item and that it is not available only in Sri Lanka.
2. Take this opportunity to buy Re-Boyfriend a present along the lines of his past gifts to me. Hope I can figure out what gift is an appropriate response to a sex statue, a clawed teddy bear and an oddly titled book.
I do, all evidence to the contrary, love Re-Boyfriend. I even sometimes think that I want him to be happy. In my wilder moments, I even want to make him happy, a distinction that makes me slightly nauseous.
However, I don’t think I can pass up the opportunity to engage Re-Boyfriend in a battle of wildly inappropriate and random gifting.
Hmm...
Tuesday
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38 comments:
Get him a "love fern" and tell him to water it so your love grows.
I suggest my favorite present of the past year: a Starbucks card with no money on it.
(You can also call this gift by its street name, "plastic."
An excellent idea. It's always good to be a bit frisky with those men. They like being toyed with.
How about somehow getting tix to the Subway Series this weekend, if he like baseball.
Or getting him to do something for an afternoon, like Build-a-Bear, but for grown men of course (I recently took my neice there).
In the end a hot pink t-shirt could be sufficient
Get him a gift certificate for a sex shop. Or one for Spencers. is there a Spencers in N.Y?
Considering ReB's glorious gifts of occasions past, I say get him a leather thong and studded collar. For his wearing and your amusement, of course.
Ebay Gift Certificate
When all else fails get a weirdo stuffed animal gift from thisplaceisazoo.com, I went with the stuff Buffalo personally. Nothing says Happy Birthday like a stuffed Vulture! Or perhaps mcphee.com?
Brazillian
You should get him a tight t-shirt with glitter letters...
wrap yourself up, put a bow on, and make out a tag that says:
To: Reboyfriend
From: God
I think you should show up wearing The Pink T-Shirt he gave you, a cheeseburger and nothing else, I mean I don't think there could be a better gift for a dude. Just be careful because he might just ask you to marry him after that...
CB
Men are impossible to shop for, they want the most ridiculously expensive technical crap that they won't even look at in 6 months because by then it is obsolete and they are already drooling over the next hot gadget so we let them buy that stuff for themselves.
What do you want him to have? There must be some nice cologne that you would like him to wear. A picture of yourself in a tasteful frame might be nice. How about a manicure kit and some wonderful lotion so he isn't all scratchy. What about one of those white noise machines to drown out the sound of his snores. Or a lovely cashmere blanket you can take out on the couch when it gets too noisy. There is always that old standby, the wristwatch, which in the "language of love" means "time together". Or you could buy him a buttplug. Shhh people we are talking about reexbf after all...
Whatever you choose, be sure to wish him a Happy Birthday from all your faithful commenters.
On Valentine's Day, my sister and I were at the mall an overheard a guy say this "I hate buying gifts, I wonder what she will get me...All I really want is meat and head"....yeah that sounds bad but that's what the imbicile said.
Tickets to a concert or some sort of event that he would really enjoy(surely there are tons of concerts or events in NYC). Although I do really like the "love fern" idea...very "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days".
~G
I am very nearly hopping around in my chair with anticipation; I cannot wait to hear how you handle this...
I vote for a little fitted T-shirt like the one he bought you...maybe with a Superman logo...then you can make HIM wear it to bed every night!
Drunken Master, Rune and lavadater all beat me to the t shirt idea...
Another idea would be something you would want for you. They do say you should always give the gift you want as a present (well, they do here anyway).
How about his and hers massages?
~Leesha~
I'll second the Brazillian idea, as well as the glittery shirt. If you're feeling generous, cook.
Ah, the Unbearable Trouble of Gift Giving! (I know, I need to stop reading Winnie-the-Pooh.) Usually when in trouble I find the doubble-take the safest way to go: one "joke" gift, one "serious" gift.
Like the overly cheezy love fern for a joke (come on! that one screams How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days, as was already pointed out.) and some nice guy-thing he'll love for the serious one. Something you possibly hate, but give him because you love him. Tickets to something he wants to see or doing something he wants to do and has been dragging you to for ages.
I don't know, it's too early to be creative.
By the mother of all ideas . . . I HAVE IT . . . Why don't you name a star after him at http://www.starlistings.co.uk/
Sorry, must go and throw up now!
Huurrgghh!!
Love/dirty sex cheques, redeemable anytime. Be careful with this one, because there's no pleading off in the unlikely but sometimes necessary event you have a headache.
I think you should get him a Scottish kilt. Why?
Its appropos of nothing and makes little sense -- just like his gifts to you.
But there is also a subtle reference to him being a "whiny little bitch" from your earliest posts.
You should bake him a cake at his place in just your apron and some heels. Dudes dig chicks who can bake like that. Please ask the roomie to take a hike for the night.
Archiemcphee.com - a lunch lady action figure, perhaps or maybe some sushi bandages?
well, i don't know about you, CB, but i just jotted down ten ideas to inspire hot sex tonight.
gotta go, i'm off to get my brazillian, then to buy a sexy apron and cake mix.
I think with "vague notions of underwear and hot sex" you are on the right track as confirmed by your fans. To take supastar's idea up a notch, get a Parkview room at Le Parker Meridian, take cheeseburgers out from the lobby and hang out the "Foughetaboutit" sign.
"wildly inappropriate and random gifting."
This always get's my vote
Nice, I hope you end up with a good story...
Make him a coupon book. 10 coupons. Each with a little different kinky thing on it. And a generic coupon for 1 hour massage from you.
Alternatively, buy him some women's lingerie from VS and tell him you want him to wear them all day then jump his bones after he does. (I don't know where this stuff comes from, I swear.) lol
Oh, the shirt. Get him a sex shirt. Don't even ask to install a hook near your bed and/or his on which to hang it. Act really, really into the shirt and him wearing it. Maybe you won't have to act...?
forget the shirt, get him a pair of speedo bottoms 2 size too small and tell him he HAS to wear them everynight.
I just saw on MSN.com, their shopping section is geared towards "Gifts for Him" ideas. However, you could get him an anti-snoring apparatus. I saw one that makes it look like you have an elephant trunk.
I tend to go with the trench coat and sexy lingerie routine. However, given the 90 degree weather, you might want to modify. Short shorts, no undies, tight baby tee and high heels.
Dude...CB...Where have you gone?
My morning reading just hasn't been the same.
Blog soon.
My vote is for an equally as small pink t-shirt...
get him a " THE t-shirt" have the same expectations as he did when he bought u ur sex/ wearing/ jammie/ everyday t- shirt. i think that would be effing hilarious. too bad i coulsn't have said it first. *pout*
Meow, I just saw how to dump a guy in ten days last night. Saw the love fern. very funny.
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