I am hungover. I am yawning approximately once every minute and a half. I have smudged mascara under my eyes because yesterday was the day that I discovered a genuinely waterproof mascara. I am never using it again, because I don't understand how one is supposed to get it off. I can taste whiskey in my mouth which probably means that I smell.

At 9:30 I went to the bathroom and thought about arranging a long line of paper towels on the floor, curling up on them and going to sleep. I realized that was impractical so I tried to take a nap on the toilet. It did not work. I contemplated throwing up, just to see if it would make me feel better, but I was concerned that someone would overhear me. That risk may have to be taken soon as a feeling of actual nausea is forming.


I just went to the bathroom and threw up a whole wheat bagel and a granola bar. I really hope that was the throw up that cures me and not the throw up that is the beginning of Throwing Up. I don’t think anyone heard me, though if they did, they probably just assumed I was bulimic and needed to throw up my breakfast calories.

To add insult to the injuries inflicted by alcohol last night, I found out that, on the night in question, Re-Boyfriend’s co-worker went home with the previously thought to be gay man and “banged the shit” out of him. Even though no one I have ever met in person knows that I was adamant about that man’s homosexuality (aside from Re-Boyfriend, who never counts) I am now incredibly embarrassed about my previous post. Maybe it’s the hangover, but I seem to have developed the ability to be embarrassed in front of myself.

Ugh, now I am hungry and nauseous at the same time.