Meet the Parents
Mom: So why don’t I meet Re-Boyfriend this Wednesday?
CB: Okay…like, for dinner?
Mom: We should have drinks first so I can see if I like him enough to take him to dinner.
CB: But what should I tell him? I mean, I should probably tell him beforehand if it’s drinks or dinner.
Mom (impatiently): Well, just tell him that if I don’t like him he’ll go home after a drink, but if I do we’ll all have dinner.
CB (patiently): Mom, I can’t say that.
Mom: Why not?
CB stares pointedly.
Mom: I suppose I can see how it might be a little awkward.
CB: So just drinks either way then.
Mom: Right. And if I like him we can all go to dinner.
CB stares pointedly again.
Mom: What?
Wednesday night is going to be so ridiculous.
Update: Obviously I am aware that Re-Boyfriend reads this. And obviously he knows my parents will judge him. That does not eliminate the awkward element of sending him home after a glass of wine like a loser on a game show.
41 comments:
Just be grateful Re-Boyfriend is not Ben Stiller (meet the parents). Good luck.
Aww cmon, just tell him, it will be funny.
If she doesn't like him, just make fun of him for it.
Problem solved.
It somewhat reminds me of wearing a dress, yet keeping the tags on. 'If I get 10 compliments on you, you can stay.'
Fix dinner at your sublet for all of you, then she can leave while maintaining everyone's dignity.
Or make plans with him to get dinner afterwards... then if she doesn't like him, she bails and you two eat, and if she does, he'll have cleared the evening anyway.
It doesn't have to be ridiculous. :)
Is your mother single?
Doesn't RBF read your posts?
Sweet merciful crap.
Good luck with that.
This is up there with leaving all your stuff in the hall so as *not* to annoy RBF and roommate.
Perhaps the CB apple did not fall far from the tree?
I like your mom already.
Good call retrobabe. I hadn't thought of that. Did you, CB?
If he still reads this blog (and I would tend to assume he does), he already knows, right?
I guess on the bright side, him reading this blog eliminates a lot of confusion that you might have in your relationship. Unless you're like me and almost always write when you're pissed off and about to rip someone's head off.
Good luck! (I don't think you'll need it, though -- it'll be fine.)
This is me realizing that two other bloggers already commented on RBF's reading of the blog.
Stepping back into the closet...
Um, with all the shit you've written about him, would it be that out of line to tell him point blank that if Mom isn't feeling it, she'll eighty-six the dinner?
I'd figure he's used to the abuse by now.
Call her bluff ...
Begin drinking heavily on her tab to force her to catch up with the "fun" you and re-boyfriend are having ... and the dinner to consummate sooner.
If she agrees for a bite to eat, then offer to cover the bill on the meal--as, at that point, you and R.B. will be so thoroughly enjoying yourselves that you won't mind spending the cash (if necessary) to cover for Mom.
Life is all about compromises ... plan them wisely.
hmm...wise words d.rock...im beginnin to agree with all wat u've said..just giv it a try..it's wudnt hurt ryt?but like he said, plan them wisely..:)
cb
Well, at least now I understand why you don't live at home. Your Mom's a master of the double bind. But so is reexbf...hmmm...
Get RBF hammered before you meet up with your mom. That way if she doesn't like him after the one drink, you can send him home using the excuse that he's drunk and he won't remember anything anyway.
Obviously this suggestion doesn't help since he's reading the blog, still, might be useful in the future.
Everybody. Drunk.
Simple solution to getting through this event. All outcomes will seem positive.
Who ever heard of parents liking someone's signficant other? That's ridiculous. You should hope she doesn't like him or you'll never hear the end of it if you two split up.
I agree with the previous few posts. Booze, as always, is the answer.
i love your mother. damn. what a blade, she must carry!
Keep RBF, ditch your mother. My folks liked the majority of my beaus and were never rude like that...
I'm sure she'll love him!
HA! My mother dislikes my bf to the point she is overtly polite. But she won't tell me why. And she refuses to call him my boyfriend, "At your age dear, you shouldn't have a BOY-friend." So she refers to him as my "Gentleman Friend". Somehow, that makes me feel like a high priced hooker.
devilsheaven that's fantastic! my grandma suffers from the same problem. she refers to everyone's significant other as their 'friend.'
So what happened tonight (or last night to be precise !)?.
AA.
make this fun. Turn the tables!! Tell your Mom RBF agreed to drinks only and that if he doesn't like her he can't go to dinner with her.
Or make up a code word to leave for your Mom and then the same code word for your RBF.
I'll be lame. Please stop by my blog. I blog and blog and blog and nobody's there. How long does it take to get traffic on your blog?
So what happened?
Can't wait to hear what happened!!!
Dying to hear the rest! how did it go?
Just a side note, CB: did you know your RSS feed is broken? (It's stuck on the "A Conundrum" post...)
Hope the drinks were good (and led to dinner).
I realize we have no control over you and your event-to-posting time ratio. But damn if I'm not dying to know how "drinks" went with mom and rbf. Especially after watching Grey's last night!
I'm guessing that since your bf reads your blog and since you have yet to blog about drinks with your folks - that the folks did not take kindly to him?
What I don't understand is if he is a RE-boyfriend, wouldn't he have met your mom already? I mean if I'm dating someone for more than say 6 months I generally make it a point for my mother to meet the man. I don't really know your situation but it seems odd you're re-dating and this is the first time you've introduced him to your parents... Especially since you're sorta living with him right now.
the other scenario is your mother likes him so much that they become best mates, talking on your back and stuff, calling each other mum and sun and having personal jokes about you. Wouldnt that be sweet ?
Heya - There's a new job opening at GAWKER!!!
Jessica is leaving, so they're most likely gonna need a chick. You'd be great.
Write to Lockhart Steele at lock@gawker.com.
Where, oh where, has our lovely CB gone?
You should take that gawker gig, by the way...
lol your mom is hilarious
your mom sounds fun.
if it were my parents
they'd take a sip while pushing the guy out the door.
interesting blog. Can identify with the job title theme on the last post. Much cheaper to give someone a new set of business cards than real recognition for their efforts.
Blimey, Bitch! Where you at, woman?
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