Fear vs. Love
I think Machiavelli’s whole “It is better to be feared than loved” thing needs to be reconsidered.
Let’s say, only as an example, that a shit-hitting-the-fan situation was brewing. And let’s also say that I had inadvertently created the shit that was waiting to hit the fan. Let’s then say that I then felt bad about it.
Just hypothetically.
If I loved my boss I would rationally confess to my wrongdoings, apologize and try to offer ways the situation could be fixed or at least improved.
If I feared my boss I would promptly turn my cubicle into a fortress of secrecy on high-alert (huddling over papers, periodically glancing over my shoulder) and engage in a massive cover-up operation designed to mask who exactly (me) was at fault. Then I would prepare to maintain a straight face during the department wide finger-pointing extravaganza.
Again, just a hypothetical.
I have to go construct my fort.
REALLY BIG UPDATE or THINGS I HAVE BEEN WRITING INSTEAD OF ADDRESSING THE SITUATION AT HAND:
My breezy indifference and snap decision to take the less moral but easier route have developed cracks.
The thing is, I have a relationship with my boss that few people understand, including myself. I alternately talk about him obsessively, forget he exists, cower in fear from him, think of him as my protector, harbor a secret crush on him, get grossed out when he makes borderline inappropriate comments, decide that he hates me and decide that I am one of his favorites. I don’t want to upset this delicate balance by confessing to my stupidity when I can so easily throw away the evidence--but getting caught throwing away the evidence would be exponentially worse than getting caught in the first place.
And on the bright(er) side, there is the very real possibility that I am blowing the magnitude of my mistake out of proportion, since I, though admittedly lazy, rarely fuck things up when actually moved to do them. So maybe I should just confess…?
But then again, Cosmo girls are always getting away with things like putting peanuts in an allergic superior’s salad, thus rendering her incapable of attending an important meeting. Surely my minor mistake can pass unnoticed when such cutthroat tactics are being used all over the business world?
Then again, maybe I shouldn’t apply lessons learned from “You’d Never Believe What These Women Did” to my everyday life.
I am sure the answer to this situation’s risk/benefit analysis will come to me when I am drunk tonight. That always works.
UPDATE: Sorry, I can’t be more specific. Fortress of secrecy and all that.
28 comments:
hypothetically......what did you do?
To avoid having to glace over your shoulder to see who may be sneaking up on your fortress hang a little mirror on your cubicle wall right infront of your computer monitor that gives you a view of the open cubicle space behind you. Then all you have to do is look up. If nothing else it will save you from being paranoid with a crick in your neck, and allow you to just be paranoid ;-)
If you feared your boss, hypothetically, then you wouldn't be in that situation, hypothetically.
Any plan to strike a deal with a publisher for your book titled "If it was me that did it, this is what woulda happened"?
rev. ace,
she'll never tell us. she never responds to comments.
i suspect her whole site is randomely generated by computers.
Without knowing the crime here's my best (and free might I add!) counsel:
I'd say be blasé about the whole thing, but definitely don't destroy the evidence! That's always the worst move because then if you get caught it's twice as bad because it pinpoints the fact that you *knew* it was wrong (e.g. Enron, Microsoft, Arthur Anderson, etc.). Hide your error in plain sight.
In the event you do get caught, it's best to act a little dumb perhaps but then be appropriately contrite once your error is "explained", promising to rectify (and actually doing so as much as possible), and meanwhile maintaining your dignity.
Ever notice how those who are guilty and fearful get fired, but the balls-out guy rarely does?
This is just another example of how National Button Day is stressing everyone out at work.
I'm with the lawyer. Hide it in plain site, and attempt to fix it if you can. Never ever admit fault though, that would lead to blame and possible firing.
CB, I've definitely been in situations where I've made a big mistake and I'm looking for ways to repair the damage.
Sometimes, I figure that time is the best cure. Let me give you a recent example:
I'm an english teacher of grade 5, 6 and 7 in Mexico. On Tuesday, I had a truly painful class with my grade 7 kids. I got so stressed out that at one point I said to the 2 girls, as a means of coaxing them continue doing more homework, whether they would like to be like Ricky. Ricky has down syndrome and doesn't even approach the other students in capability.
Yesterday, I was informed by the director of the school (who's become a good if somewhat recent friend ;-)) that the owner of the school was angry with me.
Let me tell you, the rest of yesterday was hell.
Anyway, I considered apologizing to Ricky's mother as a type of pre-emptive strike. But I decided against it. What decided me was that I was simply fed up of everyone criticizing me (let me put it this way: at one point in time, the director of the school was almost sure that I was going to be fired).
I figured, if they're going to fire me or what not, fine; I don't think I could have taken much more criticism anyway.
Well, that may have not been very helpful, but I tried ;-).
So what happened with the owner of the school today, you ask? I talked to her; told her that I'd heard that she was angry with me. At first she said no, but when I told her that Abel (the director of the school) had told me, she thought about it for a bit and then said that it was probably the fact that I was using a sink where a teacher taught to wash my hands (the bathroom for teachers doesn't have running water at the moment). I asked her if I could use the student's bathroom and she said that it'd be fine so long as it was just to wash my hands.
Later, I remembered that there's another washroom that practically no one uses and that Abel had told me about yesterday (My memory for that type of thing: bad ;-p).
Oh, and the classes today were great :-). I even asked for 2 more students to come to my combination grade 5 and 6 class (my group is the advanced group) and it looks like both of them want to come :-).
you know your not stupid... we know your not stupid... your boss.... who knows what he thinks. ;p
just hang out dont shred anything and let the shit hiit the fan. then when it does apologize and say oh well... they wont can you unless you slept with the bosses wife without lettin him watch.
She does respond to her readers, on occasion.
You crack me up.
Is it to late to blame it on Perky? You could say it was her last bit of revenge before she left. ANd any eveidence you have you "resuced" it before she had a chance to destroy it or better yet plant it to make it look like someone else did it.
god! do i know what you mean???
i have been in situations like that before, and i think its a completely people thing. sometimes some ppl are a little "standoff-ish" and u can't freely talk to them when somthing goes wrong, and it just keeps getting built up...
When it comes to business nobody is your friend!
Deny, deny, deny!!!
I guess it depends on a) how big the pile of shit is and b) is this your first pile of shit, or just one in a landmine of buffalo chips???
If it's your first,and it's small, I say 'fess up. Unless you work at an "at-will" employer, then you need to re-enforce your cubicle of cluelessness.
I've always found that owning up to problems gets you IN with the higher ups.
A. They can deal with it before it gets bigger or worse.
B. Engenders trust. Experienced bosses know that everyone occasionally screw up. When you confess they realize they don't have to worry about you, because you face the music.
It's stressful and horrible until you just confess, than it's just a past embarrassment.
Disclaimer: Unless your boss is a total a-hole who you know to have unrealistic expectations.
My two witty remarks have been used already.
But I would like to know what the HELL happened. And I will be obsessing about this until I know the truth. Hypothetically.
I say confess. Then spray him in the face with pepper spary and run...
Well, consider the implications of dishonesty: think of it as the materialist's karma - we are like sculptors shaping character with our actions. Dishonesty in this instance depletes integrity. A variety of subtle effects and consequences make it more likely that you will do the same thing again. And again. Over time, character becomes hardened, and these traits can be easily perceived by others. Same for integrity. We wear our actions, our choices. People can see who we are. Think carefully, little CB, before you decide this one omission is of no consequence, because nothing is without consequence.
(Ha! Serves you right for leaving out the juicy details. Consider yourself fucked-with. Doesn't mean it's not true, though.)
Confess, fix it, move on.
Only you can really decide if you should confess or not, but I've got to tell you. You even have me feeling paranoid with your description of the events. I'd say that's a good thing as far as your writing is concerned.
I realize this is going back a few posts--but rachel your idea about the mirror on your computer is genius! My cube is in the middle of the hallway and I'm constantly glancing over my shoulder when I know I'm not supposed to be reading celebrity gossip, checking personal e-mail etc. Now I can position a mirror so I don't have to be so sketchy! :oP
you are SO going to end up on that lifetime/we/oxygen/uterus channel's program "snapped!" one of these days.
just blame it on the yasmin. :P
cb
This is an easy one. It's about a little trait we old people call honesty.
You go to your boss, tell him you were checking over your work and found a mistake. You apologize for making the mistake. You ask him what he wants you to do about it. You agree to do what he asks you to do. Chances are he will be pissed. He may yell. At that point you may feel like crying. Do. Human beings are fragile and fallible. Mistakes get made. Owning up to making a mistake is the right thing to do. People can call you stupid but they will not be able to call you a liar. Not owning up to a mistake that you know you have made is a lying action that will haunt you forever. Chances are your boss already knows and is just waiting to see what you will do.
You can't build a wall around you conscience.
At my age my best thinking is done in the bathroom.
I know you read this stuff. You even actually do comment back sometimes.
fairsCaPe
I tend to second what fairscape said. I've lied in the past and I may well do so again. But I'm talking serious things.. like my father said "take this med or I'll hospitalize you". So I said I'd take the med. And I did.. for a little bit. But then I decided I'd just dispose of the med when no one's looking and say I was taking it.
No one notices anything wrong for ages (during the last 2 months that I was supposedly taking it, I didn't take it at all). Finally, my big break; my girlfriend says she'll take me in if my father boots me from the house if I tell him I'm no longer taking the med. So I tell him.. it takes a little doing, but by the end of it, the psychiatrist I was seeing officially says I can be off the med.
So I guess my moto is: unless your choice is lie or be unjustly incarcerated in some form, I'd opt for being honest.
I disagree with those who say that confessing is automatically better.
It really depends on what kind of error it is. In my opinion, confessing your errors, contrary to what others may believe, makes you look bad. very bad. They don't remember all the good, you're just known forever as the girl who fucked things up that one time. They won't trust you again. If it's minor, it's not worth the risk.
If it's serious, then yeah, confess, because they'll find out it was you anyway. Either way they'll know you're a fuck up, but at least if you confess, you're a fuck up with maturity who can own up to her errors.
Confess because maybe that will make you look...more moral?
Beats shit outta me.
this seems to be pretty relevant to your life: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/11/23/fashion/23blunders.html
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