I think the best part of my job is that I occasionally get to work with numbers. Trying to answer such questions as “How much money did we make off X last year?” or “What was the financial benefit of trying Y last month?” can be more creative than one might think.
While I am sure accountants and other financially-oriented people have an idea of the numbers in question, I am also quite sure that no one knows the actual amount of anything. Then I come along, take one of the accountant’s ideas, put it in a spreadsheet, add and subtract a whole lot of other ideas, until, in the end, it is no longer an idea of a real number but a complete fabrication.
Once I give that fabrication to senior executives, it becomes a gospel number, one that can never be questioned. And this gospel number is used to generate a whole lot of other idea numbers.
“Hank, the numbers you gave CB are wrong. If we made [$gospel number] from x, we couldn’t have made less than [$idea number] from y.”
“Good thinking Sally, I better rerun those numbers.”
I am sure that in the beginning numbers were off by a dollar or two, as they are apt to be when one is dealing with a large operation. But over the years, things have gotten completely out of hand, and now I’m not sure how anyone knows if we are even making money at all.
Sometimes I see important people discussing numbers that I have given them and I laugh.
Monday
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17 comments:
I've been looking for a good blog to read (randomly flicking through "next-next-next" from mine)... now it seems I've found it. Very good read, darlin', I'm having fun so far. You ARE amusing!!
Do pop by mine. My life is so extremely different to yours..!!
Mine's at http://gledwood2.blogspot.com
tell me what you think!!
All the best,
Gledwood
And Jesus laughs with you, CB.
LOL . will be stopping by your blog again!
Even though my job is about as non-financial as they get, I have to provide monthly forecasts on budget spending...it's amazing how creative you can get trying to come up with realistic numbers. "Let's multiply that by 22 since it is the 22nd of the month..."
Now if only you can use that talent with figures to change the 'crap money' they pay you, to some a whole lot nicer.
Hahaha, I know exactly what you mean, my job is just like that.
The problem begins when nobody really knows any numbers and can't give them to you. That way it's impossible to ever make an accurate calculation.
And pretty soon most of the Internet is joining you, CB, and laughs at those important people. It is rewarding to see your hard work being appreciated, isn't it? *grin*
: )
R2K
Ah, the numbers game. I run them constantly and go through the same thing!
Isn't it nice to be that powerful?!
I would laugh... but then want to walk over and say "That was all ME! You can thank me later. With money."
it's the simple pleasures...
:-)
There's an old business axiom that goes, "figures lie and liars figure". You can make those numbers say almost anything and use them to support either side of any discussion. I like your blog, you make me laugh! Thanks
you are too funny. I do the same thing. Sometimes i laugh with the made up information that i give my boss-I realize that I have become the best bullshit artist from writing he 15 page term papers during college. I would believe me too! you should write a book...like a David Sedaris-esque book.
I kow this is an old post, but reading this line:
"Sometimes i see important people discussing numbers that i have given them and i laugh" I couldn't help it!!! LMAO that was one funny post CB, u just got urself a stalker :P
My last job was like that. I found it rather interesting (and somewhat astonishing), that our CIO's stance on verifying the accuracy of the monthly reports (produced BY IT based on programs WRITTEN by IT based on BUSINESS REQUIREMENTS given TO IT by the clients) fell squarely on the shoulders of the account reps. So, I would review them based on the trends I knew (or thought) to be true of my accounts and make random adjustments as I deemed necessary. Then, once I sent them to the client's CFO, they were the Holy Grail and carved in stone forever.
LOL.
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