The Real Estate Commitment

Even though I am already living with my boyfriend and have been living with him for months, actually co-signing a lease and buying furniture with him is a little scary.

Co-signing a lease means that if I ever get really mad at Re-Boyfriend and want to kick him out, I technically cannot.

Co-signing a lease means that if we break-up and I change all the locks, I then have to stop feeling smug long enough to somehow make sure Re-Boyfriend does not sue or involve the police.

Then there's all the furniture purchasing that co-signing a lease will eventually lead to. Furniture purchasing will make us both more dependent on the relationship, like puppy co-owners but worse. Puppies, though cute and alive, do not generally cost a thousand dollars or more. Which means that joint furniture buying is actually more of a commitment than getting a puppy, and everyone knows that getting a puppy with your significant other is a Very Big Step.

Having considered all this, I was slightly nervous when Re-Boyfriend and I were sitting in our new landlord’s office, watching as the lease was drawn up. But I assured myself I was being silly and instead of leaving, or yelling “AHHHH” I just sort of crossed my legs and twitched a little bit.

Our landlord seemed to be testing me as he pushed the lease across the desk and said, “I wrote ‘jointly and singly’, so if something happens with you two—I’m not saying something will happen, just that it might, you never know—then one of you can go, and one of you can stay and get a new roommate. It’s fine as long as the rent comes.”

If something happens?

I laughed and glanced sideways at Re-Boyfriend, who was also laughing. I tried to give the impression that it was sooooo hysterical that anyone thought anything could ever happen to us.

Then the landlord handed me a pen, indicating where to sign. I froze, suddenly convinced that once I signed the lease, Re-Boyfriend would run out of the office laughing, leaving me with an exorbitant rent to pay for the next year.

I looked at Re-Boyfriend suspiciously.

“Give me the pen,” Re-Boyfriend said in his patented blend of tolerance, exasperation, impatience and amusement.

I carefully watched as he signed the lease before doing the same.

Then the landlord looked at me in this infuriatingly knowing manner and repeated “I wrote jointly and singly so there’s nothing to worry about if something happens.”

I just glared at him before thanking him for his time.

I am buying FURNITURE with that fucker, aka Re-Boyfriend. I want no insinuations that we are not going to live full, happy, rewarding and long lives. Together, with our furniture, in our new apartment, with both our names on the lease.