Engagement Rings
There’s no time to prepare. One friend gets engaged and the next thing you know you’re surrounded by people reading The Knot and discussing whether flowers can be "sexy."
Thankfully, S. is still unengaged and decidedly appalled at the recent speed with which our friends have mated for life.
S. and I went out to dinner last night, split a bottle of wine and began viciously comparing the engagement rings of our friends. It was a welcome change from forcing yourself to ooo and ahhh and listen in rapt attention as someone debates the finer points of cutlery.
“____’s engagement ring is so…” S. trailed off, unwilling to deliver the first blow.
“Ugly?” I asked gleefully.
“So ugly!”
“_____’s is okay.”
“No way! That diamond is big but it’s cloudy. Totally tacky and cheap,” S. said authoritatively.
“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”
“Oh yeah. And I’m sure she’s noticed. And I bet she’s pissed.”
After dissecting several rings, deciding they were all ugly, and repeatedly declaring Not Anytime Soon, S. and I began talking about what we wanted our engagement rings to look like. Or, more accurately, we tried to talk about it.
“Um…” I said. “Er…”
“Yes?” S. prompted.
“I don’t know, I don’t really know anything about diamonds.”
“Well, I do,” S. said. She hesitated then added, “But I’m not sure if I like them.”
We pondered this new development.
“Maybe we could get rings with other stones in them?” I suggested.
“Maybe,” S. said doubtfully.
“You know, I don’t even wear jewelry, like, ever. Maybe I don’t want a ring at all.”
“Please,” S. rolled her eyes. “You have to have a really nice ring.”
“Maybe when I get engaged I want a ridiculously expensive purse or something. Or a trip to Hawaii,” I said defiantly. "Or maybe I don't want to get married at all. I could just live in sin with a baby."
“You get a ring so people like us don’t talk about you behind your back,” S. explained, a bit exasperated.
“Oh.”
It was then that I realized that fear of what other people would say (ie. family, co-workers, the world) is actually the sole factor behind my desire to ever have a wedding, let alone a ring. It was a moment of self-realization that wasn't very helpful, since I cannot imagine overcoming this.
27 comments:
OMG! It's like I was there!
"It was then that I realized that fear of what other people would say (ie. family, co-workers, the world) is actually the sole factor behind my desire to ever have a wedding, let alone a ring."
You hit the nail on the head with that comment! I will get married one day, because if I don't, my momma will cry. She will also probably gnash her teeth and wail and maybe even cover herself with sackcloth and ashes.
That would be a bummer
I absolutely support you with the really nice purse idea.
Functional, cute, less likely to cause you to get mugged...
Good luck with that!
If at some point you decide that you want to get married, eloping always seemed like the only civilized choice. I've never understood why women are so desperate for "their day" in a big white dress when every bride I've ever been close to has been terrified, stressed out, and miserable for long stretches of the whole pre-wedding period.
FYI, I once dated a very snooty guy (his family owned a winery, on which he lived in an 18th century house - that kind of thing), whose male family members prided themselves on never having given their wives/fiancees anything so *common* as a diamond engagement ring. If you want, you can get a ruby or sapphire or emerald engagement ring - it is, in some ways, far more classy. Maybe not as good as a ridiculously expensive purse, but harder to sneer at.
I am with yo - and I have the ring and had the wedding....
Votes for Sinners!
The first words my ex-sister-in-law uttered when my brother handed her a 1k diamond ring were, "Can we upgrade this?" My husband and I went for a small, tasteful wedding and I wear a simple diamond ring. I didn't care much about the wedding or the ring...I just wanted to be married to this man. Of course, I wouldn't mind a completely indulgent trinket on our upcoming 15th anniversary...
Unfortunately it's all about the ring. Personally I don't want to know what my fiance will pay for that ring ... the prices are ridiculous .... I'd rather put that money towards the house.
Go and see "Blood Diamond", with Jennifer Connely and Leonardo de Caprio. After that, you may think twice about getting a diamond at all. When it comes to precious commodities, it can be hard to find one that isn't tainted with injustice...
Just last night my BF and I were discussing this. He asked if I would move with him if he got a job out of state, and I told him, NOT WITHOUT THE BLING-BLING. He asked if a 1/4 of bling would do. I said "you want me to have "BL"? I don't even get a whole "BLING", you want me to have "BL"? ABSOLUTELY NOT."
I swear this does NOT mean I'm shallow, really, it doesn't.
Re Scott's comment, actually it can be pretty easy. What you want is a Russian diamond, not an African one. The main diamond mines in Russia will mark their diamonds with teeny tiny laser marks, so it's pretty easy to authenticate them as non-conflict diamonds. They'll also have a lot of paperwork certification, because it's a huge selling point.
That's not really the point of the post, though. I agree with the people who say it's the man, and not the rock, that matters. Unfortunately, we all run into a lot of people who feel differently, especially in certain professions. As with so much else in life, you've just got to decide your priorities. (And if it's any comfort, you can always go on to become one of those older couples where the engagement ring is the least expensive piece of jewelry the woman wears - showing she loved him back when.)
Or a Canadian diamond...
I think the point is that she doesn't want ANY ring. Why the hell are people talking about expensive vs. non-expensive and Blood Diamond? Is the thought of not wanting a ring that incomprehensible to you?
I agree...I thought she said that the only reason she would is for the sole fact that everyone else wanted her to!
i'm so disgusted by the whole wedding brainwash thing that is so pervasive in this country that i can feel my intestines begin to atrophy at the mere mention of the details of planning a wedding.
Anon needs to get that pickle out of HER ass. Fucking chicks. Getting pissed off at people's comments .. .get a life bitch.
Please do not ever take this blog away from me again! I totally missed it when you made it private & only leaned that you were back when I was telling a friend how much I missed reading it! Carry on with the fun.
all I have to say is...
Give to 2 more years, they'll all be talking about *diapers*
It just gets scarier, might as well enjoy the ride :)
CB,
My friend G and I are huge fans of your blog and have gotten other friends hooked as well. It makes us sad when you turn your blog to private!! Could I get invited?? my blog is twentysomethingblonde.blogspot.com. Check it out! Anyway, just wanted to let you know you have fans out there and we can relate to just about everything you write!!
I am the referred to by Blonde Ambition and I really need to second her! We missed you SOOOO much! (But not if that makes us sound like complete slackers with nothing to do at work OR at home...then we only missed you a little tiny bit)
NO DIAMOND is certifiable as being conflict-free. Companies (especially THE company--DeBeer's) just move diamonds from conflict zones to non-conflict zones, certify them, and sell them to people who try to feel good about thier conflict-free diamonds. Diamonds are dirty business, and shame on anyone who wears them. Even if the diamond is "clean," it still promotes the value of something that keeps people enslaved. Quite a symbol of love.
I'm so glad you're back! You were missed.
Aww CB I'm so glad you're back! I was having withdrawal symptoms. Sorry, I guess the people who think you're smart and funny should leave comments to help boost your ego. ^_~
Because we like reading for free.
I just want a tiny ring. A little stone set in a little platinum. Of course, what it 'lacks' in size, I want it to make up for in colour and clarity.
Brawk! Hey Cajun boy! We chickens don't have to worry about all that now!
In the long run, most women will take her man as he is. Deep down we all want the ring.
Do elope and get married at the courthouse. Use your Daddy's money to set up housekeeping
I have a ring. It's a small, tasteful diamond, though I didn't want a diamond. I thought maybe a sapphire or something sufficiently hard. One doesn't want to be common. I had an uncommon wedding. We had stilt dancers. We had homemade raspberry pie. I had a nice groom, so everyone said — a catch (a "catch"! If that doesn't make you laugh your ass off now, it will one day). It was all kind of a surprise to me because I had said all my life that I'd never get married, and there I was, getting married. It wasn't going to be like other marriages, though. We wouldn't be divorced as soon as the kids were in college.
Thank god there were no kids. We lasted 12 years, total, and looking back, it's amazing to me now the crap one can get used to in the name of love.
I thought maybe I'd make the ring into a piece of bellybutton jewelry, so I got my bellybutton pierced, but my body rejected the piercing. Like it KNEW.
I should have trusted my first impulse.
Go read , but don't say I didn't warn you.
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