Careerbuilder has a cute little article about things that can wreck your career. Let’s examine some of their no-no's while I am sitting here, bored, instead of Advancing Myself:

Not Being a Team Player
No one feels comfortable around a prima donna. Show you're a team player by making your boss look like a star and demonstrating that you've got the greater good of the organization at heart.

This only works with female bosses. Helping my boss look like a star makes him resent me because then he realizes that I know he’s an idiot. What actually seems to soften my boss: Failing in a cute and non-serious way. In my experience, all men bosses love to occasionally comfort their underlings.

Missing Deadlines
If the deadline is Wednesday, first thing Thursday won't cut it. When making commitments, it's best to under-promise and over-deliver. Then, pull an all-nighter if you have to. It's that important.

Unless you are making six figures and/or in charge of something huge, I really believe you shouldn't pull an all-nighter, ever. It will make you look ridiculous and your co-workers will mock you for being uptight and taking yourself, along with your job, too seriously.

Conducting Personal Business on Company Time
The company e-mail and phone systems are for company business. Keep personal phone calls brief and few -- and never take a call that will require a box of tissues to get through. Also, never type anything in an e-mail that you don't want read by your boss; many systems save deleted messages to a master file.

Personally, I like to write e-mails detailing how I am going to quit and/or the many ways in which my co-workers are pissing me off. Then when my boss raises an eyebrow at me, I try to figure out if it’s a meaningless twitch or if he is trying to communicate that he knows. This adds some interest to my day.

Isolating Yourself
Don't isolate yourself. Those who network effectively have an inside track on resources and information and can more quickly cut through organizational politics. Research shows effective networkers tend to serve on more successful teams, get better performance reviews, receive more promotions and be more highly compensated.

When I was sixteen and upset with the world, everyone told me that things got better. Apparently, they were lying. Offices are exactly like high schools but with longer hours and less cute boys to stare at.

Having No Goals
Failure doesn't lie in not reaching your goal, but in not having a goal to reach. Set objectives and plan your daily activities around achieving them. Manage your priorities and focus on those tasks that support your goals.

I refuse. This just sounds like a way to do the tasks you are assigned while convincing yourself it was all your idea. I’m not doing this report because John asked me to, I’m doing it because it is an objective.

Neglecting Your Image
Fair or not, appearance counts. So don't come to work poorly groomed or in inappropriate attire. Be honest, use proper grammar and avoid slang and expletives. You want to project an image of competence, character and commitment.

I can’t even conceive of an office where this would hold true. I find that the more I use the word “fuck” the more friends and allies I get. Also, today I am showing (push-up bra created) cleavage and everyone is being really nice.

MSN's career advice writers would probably fire me this instant.