Being a Bridesmaid
What is more humiliating than spending thousands of dollars on crap you don’t want or enjoy and then parading around in an unflattering dress and hairstyle for a friend you no longer stay in touch with?
Buying “chicken cutlet” inserts for your bra.
I was hoping to balance out my dress’s multi-layered ability to make me look like I have gigantic hips by adding some gigantic boobs. It didn’t really work. (But Re-Boyfriend appeared to get an erection when I tried on the chicken cutlets which is either pretty cool or insulting.)
So this weekend I will be (ostensibly) standing before God in fake, pushed up cleavage as I "bear witness" (or something) with S. to our friend's confusing union with a man who lives in what he calls "God's Country" and I call "bumblefuck".
Maybe it will not be that bad.
16 comments:
My best friend wants her bridesmaids in orange. Beat that!
Blood Orange though? I got blood orange...and its in 100 degrees, with lace
forget making your bridesmaids look ugly, mine will be beautiful.. lovely.. stunning
When I got the cutlets, they called them cookies! Cookies! Hahaha... I had monster ta-tas but I didn't have to worry about popping out.
Enjoy the cutlets. Maybe you can make a meal with 'em after! Like nuggets...
drink a lot.
It WILL be that bad.
I had to wear ELECTRIC GREEN.
at a DRY wedding.
which was my SISTER'S.
*sighs heavily with eye rolling*
damnit triskit, stole my comment.
Try to get the other bridesmaids to start a pool on which vow the bride will break first...
God's country?
What the heck is that?
is he one of those people who live in a compound or something?
uhm...
CHICKEN CUTLETS?
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING,
BUT IT'S HILARIOUS@!!!
My bridesmaids wore mint green skirt suits that I convinced myself they could wear again... (NOT!!!)
After that I was asked to be a bridesmaid three times! One time, I refused, because the marriage was a disastrous scenario (and they split up within 3 months), the other two, they both chose the same, most ridiculous (to me, I guess) floral gown that completely conflicted with the boycut I wore at the time!!! Its a style I still hate today (though my hair is longer and I've become a more balanced tomboy/girly-girl...) Imagine having to buy the same fracking dress twice in different colors!!! Brides-to-be: lets be honest... either discuss options with your bridesmaids and get a consensus or PAY THE HECK FOR THE NIGHTMARES YOU EXPECT THEM TO WEAR!!!!
CB - hope it goes well - I'm sure you'll carry it off - or bring us great stories regardless!!!
Why is it women stoop to such means to improve their appearance? Isn't that why God created plastic surgery?
Weird. I will be wearing fake, pushed up cleavage this weekend, too. But for entirely different reasons.
God's own country - Kerala?
yeah? Kerala???
I used to read your blog before you made it the "invite only" type. I checked it today again ( to see if its still invite only, ofcourse) and found much to my delight, that it isn't!
i don't even know where to email u if u pull that stunt again!!?!
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