Monday

My Twenties Are One Big Comparathon

There are certain people that, by their very existence, make me feel like a freak.

For example, Re-Boyfriend has a friend who pets (there is no other word) his fiance constantly, pausing only to gaze adoringly at the top of her head. The two of them don't really speak to each other, and they definitely don’t stop touching. This usually leaves me standing a foot or two away from Re-Boyfriend, feeling awkward and confused—should I at least want to hold his hand? Why don’t I ever even think about holding his hand (unless I see another couple holding hands)? Does anyone else think the two of them look weird? Maybe I'm weird?

And so on.

Now, because it does not happen often enough in real life, I have found a blog that makes me vaguely insecure, confused and incredulous: Clinkny.wordpress.com

There were some maddening entries about gyms and big boobs. There was the casual mention that Clink has gotten every job she’s ever interviewed for. There were the pictures of the enormous engagement ring on an adult hand with manicured nails.

But the Big Moment, wherein I realized just how different my life was from the life of this half-stranger, came today, during a post detailing how Clink finally told her fiance about the existence of her blog. Not only was her fiance kind and supportive about the whole thing, he claimed he was just happy she was writing and didn’t want to know the name of the website so she could maintain her privacy.

You know what my boyfriend said when he finally read my blog?

“Goddamnit, it really was ivory!”

He did tell me he was proud of me, which was sweet, but he also told a few of his co-workers about my anonymous blog. When I yelled, he said “But I was just so proud of you,” which completely altered the sweetness of that sentiment.

Then I didn't speak to him for awhile. I thought this was more or less what everyone with a secret blog went through.

It's not so much that I want Clink's life. It's more that I can't believe the person my grandmother secretly wishes I was actually exists.

I may need to step away from the blog.


Update: No one needs to pick sides...that was entirely not the point. Obviously I read Clink.

22 comments:

Mal said...

I hope you mean her blog and not yours. That would be REALLLLLLLYYYYY BAD. So don't do that. We'll miss you to much. I think your relationship is more normal than you think.
And as far as the interviews, she didn't say what they were for did she? It could have been for McD's or something like that.

la bonette said...

You´re one fine blogger(ette), dear CB. And compared to ME, you are Clink (besides you, I assume, really exist).

Clink said...

Hi, yeah, this is a bit bizarre coming from my own personal blog crush(that would, um, be you.)

If anything, I feel like I come across as a complete neurotic freak with job issues, trust issues, body issues...you name an issue, I'm sure I've encountered it.

As for the job interviews - I've been really lucky. I'm not normally a lucky person (hi, slow metabolism) so I take what I can get. Besides, they'll hire anyone when you work in television.

ezmy said...

good god please do not step away from your blog.

and fuck the comparison crap. i'm tired of having to justify my progress or relative lack thereof, aren't you?

Anonymous said...

while her blog is entertaining, and i enjoy following other twenty somethings struggling to make it all work out... your writing is much better! it's quite impressive that you can write a few paragraphs about your daily events that will make complete strangers laugh out loud in their very quiet offices while other people stare in suspicion

Lisa G said...

I am glad that on this blog I will never read a photo caption that says, "Readers, meet my bling."

verybadcat said...

You're kidding me, right? She's just like the rest of us. You read the post about registering, right? She's wound as tight as we are. Maybe a little tighter. I loved your Bitter Friday post. :)

I always ascribe to a simple principal. Let people underestimate you. It is far easier to lose approval than it is to earn it. Being the person people think you are is a huge pressure cooker. That's why I like my crazy front and center, so I don't have to worry about blowing my cover. ;-)

Don't delete posts in fits of paranoia! I bet that's some of your best stuff!

Anonymous said...

You're.
So.
Much.
Better.

Anonymous said...

I love clink's blog! I also love your blog! It's apples to oranges. You are cynical and dry (hilariously). She is high-strung and irrational (endearingly). The blogosphere needs you both. And, it's not as though you don't have your own moments of disgusting perfection (e.g., you are one of those people who don't need to wear make-up! In NYC, no less! Envy is making me ill).

Airam said...

I don't think you should feel like a freak because re-bf doesn't pet you. In fact you should feel thankful.

Airam said...

Are we supposed to pick sides here?

You both write very well.

Anonymous said...

I don't care about your update! I'm picking sides anyway, and I pick you.

Anonymous said...

wait, you can go out without wearing make up and not look like a troll?? I'm hoping other anonymous' post is false, or I might have to include this blog in my own comparative post.

ella said...

Clink's blog seems like the kind of blog I would be obsessed with, but secretly hate the author.

Anonymous said...

Sadly I have become sucked into Clink's blog. I can't help it - I'm amazed that people like that exist, who say absurd things with absolutely NO HINT OF IRONY.

Your blog, however, makes me laugh out loud. In a good way!

So funny that the two blogs I read are now reading each other...

emertron said...

Thank you for posting this. I feel the same way about my 20s.

morinn said...

i think your the best CB, I've been regularly reading your blog for the past year and I think your writing's great! you might call me a fan! :D

Lioness said...

Dear CB: thank you for Clink. Oh, the refreshness of it!

Grant Miller said...

Can I pick sides anyway?

c j. said...

are you kidding with your update?! you must be drunk. again.
you're so addictive. please come back!!!

Julia said...

hi, i never read your blog but i read clink's as a sort of torurous exercise every day. i can't stand a lot of it but i can't pull myself away and it seemed i was the only one who was bothered by the self-deprecating self-love...until i read her post today wherein i found out that, gloriously, someone feels the same way as me. and all i had to do was google "clink blog engaged" and it was the fourth link down. so now i will read your blog though i know i will continue to torture myself by reading clink's as well.

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