Well, We Got In This Time

We went back to the club. We had to prove it wasn’t too cool for us.

“One drink and then we go,” I told S. as we crossed the street. “I don’t want to hang out here all night, all the men look like they wax their eyebrows.”

“One drink,” S. agreed, adjusting her cleavage for the eighth time. S. had run into the age old dilemma while getting ready: How much boob is too much boob? Trying to combine the best of both worlds, she was wearing an extremely low cut dress with a small tank top underneath.

We got into the club with an ease that can only be described as anticlimactic and two drinks later (like we ever actually have one drink) our egos were appeased. We were ready to meet up with our friends at a less pretentious bar.

Making the requisite stop at the bathroom, we found it to be one of those single stall types and went in together. (S. and I were roommates in college and if you tell me you’ve never peed with any of your college friends then I think you’re either lying or my mother.) We were all set to leave, when we discovered we literally could not.

S. pulled, S. pushed, S. jiggled the handle but the door remained closed. She even smacked the wood a few times in an attempt to open the door through brute force, but it remained firm as I stood in the corner, helping no one by giggling uncontrollably.

“CB, what are we going to do?” she demanded.

Suddenly there were agitated voices outside the bathroom. I looked at S.

“I can’t handle this right now,” I announced, turning to the mirror. “I’m going to put on eye shadow.”

“I’m going to take off this tank top,” S. said, either following my lead of ignoring the problem at hand or thinking that more of her cleavage could solve the situation as it has solved so many situations before.

It was only when S.’s tank top was half-off that the door flew open, revealing a concerned looking busboy and a small crowd of anxious, would-be bathroom goers.

S. quickly pulled up her straps.

“Uhhh…we heard the door move, we thought you might have” The busboy looked embarrassed to have caught us in a passionate, door shaking, girl-on-girl bathroom tryst.

S. looked like she might try to explain, an event that could only make things worse (“No, see I was trying to get out, but couldn’t, and then I took off my shirt! Get it?”) so I gave her a shove, brightly said “Thanks!” and darted past the smirking on-lookers.

And then, with people still looking after us curiously, a sudden gust of air blew S.’s skirt up. She screamed, clutched her ass and ran outside while I strolled, faux-casually, after her.

“So now we can never go back,” I explained to Re-Boyfriend.

He smiled.

“Why not? I bet they’d love to have you back.”


Airam said...

I bet they'd love to have your friend back whether you're with her or not!!

Too funny!

kat said...

Yay - you went back! I was wondering how that turned out.

Not as expected.... but at least you went back and got it.

twentysomething said...

almost as good as the story of you in Whole Foods!

Anonymous said...

I love this post! so hilarious!

Yoffi said...

If there's a sure fire way to get into ANY club it's with girl-on-girl action.

Fiyah said...

I love S's "Marilyn Munroe" moment! lol

the damn boy said...

Oh never you mind.

In some clubs, this is quite normal.

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

Hysterical! Great post.

jkc said...

The post was AWESOME!!!

blueblanket said...

You probably could have sold tickets!

Cecile Weekly said...

Teheheee, you were probably the talk of the night :)

By the way, you've been tagged in my comments.

Mob said...

So few clubs have this much live entertainment, I'm sure you'd be welcome back anytime.

Hilarious story.

ever the same, ever changing, I am e said...

If only taking off your clothes solved every problem! What a fantastic story! :)

Suzanne Miller said...

SO FUNNY I laughed so hard my young cat jumped off the couch and walked over to me, staring at me in concern. What a fabulous scenario, and so well-written.

aJamaa said...

I am really struggling to understand why anyone would want to go to the loo with anyone else. How does that work? Does one of you powder your nose while the other uses the loo. Does it not get weird for the one who is using the loo? Do you try reduce the sound of pii hitting the bowl? Is it alright to fart with your pal right there?

I struggle to see how and why anyone would want to share a pii with a friend.

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