Thursday

My male (completely platonic) best friend from high school recently had the nerve to find a serious girlfriend, disappear completely, and subsequently marry said girlfriend. I have seen him exactly once since he met this woman and that was at the wedding. For the two years prior to the Big Day, all I got was the occasional trying-to-stay-in-touch e-mail.

Obviously I had to assume that this wife character was a horrible, evil bitch who not only forbade my friend to see me but was really, really fat.

However, The Wife has apparently achieved some sense of wedded security because I'm going out to dinner with my friend, Re-Boyfriend and The Wife tomorrow.

Now that eating overpriced Pad Thai with The Wife is imminent, I am forced to confront a series of uncomfortable facts:

a. The Wife is not actually fat.
b. Unless she dieted for the wedding and now has put it all back on!
c. But no matter what she looks like my friend is in love with her, and they are married, which means she is the most important person in his life. I need to respect that. But it's hard to respect it when The Wife hates me.
d. The Wife hates me because she thinks I’ll be a girl-bitch and say snide things and try to compete with her which I’m totally going to do.

So...The Wife is actually right to hate me. See? Uncomfortable.

Even worse was when S. tried to fuck with my head by saying “How do you know it’s her fault he never sees you?”

But I can't think like that, I can only be angry at one dinner companion at a time. So I invited S. to come along (great for being bitchy to females when needed) and bought a new dress (security blanket). Just as I spent the college years worrying what men thought of me, I am apparently going to spend the post-college years obsessing over women.

Update: Dinner is tonight. I have already called S. to discuss whether it would be best to get to the restaurant first or last (first), if meeting S. for a drink beforehand would be wise or stupid (stupid), and whether it would be permissible to completely ignore The Wife and talk only to my friend and S., thus leaving Re-Boyfriend to rediscover his single days by trying to charm a woman over cocktails with small talk (unfortunately, no).

I'm so happy S. is coming. Somehow I don't think I would have been able to discuss these topics quite so spiritedly (or at such length) with Re-Boyfriend.

24 comments:

M said...

You should be worried!

Bittersweet Confusion said...

I don't envy you. I've always been the hated female friend... not a very shiny spot to be in... Good luck!

Samantha said...

Well, hopefully the pad thai will be good...

Airam said...

It's too bad she feels threatened by you. You realize that's the reason he's been MIA right?

skinny said...

it may not be "you" that she hates or trying to avoid, but more the way your male friend talks about you that has built up the insecurity, or the distance.

take comfort with the idea that whatever your friend has mentioned to her about you, they have been nice things. that itself should be valuable enough. relax and enjoy the dinner, you may end up liking the wife too!

Anonymous said...

you are a total girl-bitch, but I'm sure that's what your friend loves about you, so she'll have to learn to love it too.

Yoffi said...

NO NO NO NO NO!! I hate those girls that hate the friend and then you (the friend) lose your friend because of some insecure, fat (ok not fat) horrible cow who somehow managed to get her claws into your friend.

Happened to me a year ago. I only now got him back (after he broke up with her). She wasn't fat but was definately horrible.

Nanook said...

Yeah... I agree! You were there first, so why is she threatened by you? If he had wanted to date you, he could've, or at least tried to... but instead you two stayed friends.

Man sometimes wives/girlfriends can be mental.

molly said...

Uggh I totally went through that with my best male friend. He's not married, but he's dating a girl that I made out to be this glamazon in my head. When I actually met her she wasn't THAT great, but I still don't like her.

Alison Monaghan said...

So I see where you're coming from.. With the best guy friend. Mine is engaged, everyone hates his fiance, I mean, literally... HATES her. To the point of where I was asked by all of our other friends to tell him not to marry her b/c he made the statement when he was drunk that he would only listen to me... Ugh...

But what I came to realize was that he was MIA from my life - not because of her.. Because he thought that's what you did when you decided to get married. You had to grow up and devote any free time to said fiance. Which I guess is a nice gesture for the fiance... But in the end, the girl wasn't totally to blame. Could be the same in your situation.

Steven said...

I like the way you think: blame it on them because it's not your fault.

I'm one of the few single people amongst my circle of friends, and the reason why I don't get to see them is because they're too busy with their lives (a.k.a. husband/wife/litter of children/alcohol & pill addiction).

Paige Jennifer said...

Stumbled across your blog via Preppy in Vermont. You had me laughing aloud. And yeah, you're fucked. Find a new boy best friend and move on.

the frog princess said...

While I'm inclined to think you're right, there's another possibility:

She's avoided you not because she doesn't like you, but because she's worried you won't like her... You're the old friend, she's the new(er) girl, etc. etc...

Hey, it's a possibility.

So maybe you get along and maybe you end up in a hair-pulling match in the ladies' room. Just get drunk and it will be fun either way!

Bill said...

Something you haven't considered.

Perhaps he left you once he figured out he could never date you? 99.9% of male/female friendships occur when one party is sexually interested in the other party.

Some males, don't know how to close the deal, get stuck in the friend zone, and don't know how to take a risk, and just make a move. Instead, they are continually nice all the time, and sit around and hope that one day will come when he will get his chance.

He met a woman who could give him what he is looking for, so he decided to stop seeing you. Male/Female friendships end this way alllllll the time. Anyways, just my humble oppinion.

Seen it countless times. Check out my blog if you want at billybadass84.wordpress.com.

Lil' Ms Pinky said...

Hey frankly, being the 'bitch' is better than being the doormat ok.

Love your blog. You're my kind of girl. Cheers!

Phuong said...

Or maybe he's just busy or has become a Boring Married Person. I know a handful of married people whose social lives consist of looking through crate and barrel catalogues and watching all of their Tivo'd shows and when we see them all they talk about is building shelves for the guest room.

aprilbapryll said...

My male best friend from high school decided to be a priest after law school. It's harder to make fun of his fat girlfriend when evidently his fat girlfriend is God or something ...


... I still try ...

emertron said...

'Just as I spent the college years worrying what men thought of me, I am apparently going to spend the post-college years obsessing over women.'

Brilliant.

This, my dear, is why I'm only friends with awesome ladies & gay men now.

Anonymous said...

my best friends wife is such a bitch that shes got him moving half way across the country just to get away from all of his totally platonic female gal pals. seriously...i think he's gay.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it funny how we always blame the other woman in these triangles? It's kinda f-ed up.

Anonymous said...

I empathize with your situation! I am there now, actually. Being the platonic single female attractive friend of a married man is not easy for insecure wives. Insecure is the operative word here. If she were secure in herself and in her love / marriage then she wouldn't be afraid of you. She'd love you and think you were totally cool, and even share that fabulous opinion with her husband.

Just to contrast, another woman I know was the single female friend of a married man. His wife waved goodbye happily as her husband, his platonic female friend and me went to a jazz club until the wee hours. When asked, he said with a laugh, "She doesn't consider you a threat."

So, there you have it. That silly wife is giving you enough power to be a threat to her marriage, which is her ignorance, and really, her distrust of her husband.

What have I been doing? Getting a MS degree, running a business, dating hot men, traveling the world....fabulous women have better things to do than wasting time with loser wives. And if your guy friend loves you as a friend, he will make sure his wife apologizes for being a bitch to you, and make a platonic date to spend quality time with you. He might need time to get that wise, however! Good Luck with love and life!

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Anonymous said...

Maybe he hasn't been seeing you because your relationship with him became entirely one-direction?

You say that "all [you] got was the occasional trying-to-stay-in-touch e-mail," but what did YOU do to keep this alive? How often did YOU initiate contact

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